"Nice guys finish last"

2011-09-24T11:59:00.003+01:00

What am i gonna do without you? Everything seems so meaningless and empty inside. I know things change. People change. Remember when u said u have no friends that would stand by your side, remember what i said? I won't leave your side no matter what happens. Do you remember?

Even if you fall, i always catch you. Even if you have friends now, i really hope that you are happy now onwards. You don't need anymore, seriously. You are fine on your own. You don't need me in your life anymore. Not as a friend or anything else cuz i don't feel that friendship anymore. I can't feel it. It's way different. I can't seem to find anyone to replace you cuz i don't know how to find someone like you. My best friend and my lover. I don't know what to do. i feel everything is such a lie. I can't blame her cuz i am the one ask for it. I know i have to take the consequences but i am so pissed with myself that i hated my self so much and i don't think i deserve to be happy at all. I feel so painful inside my heart that I've got no one to talk to, i rather keep it all to myself then telling anyone. Inside i am so dead but i have to try so hard just to be NORMAL. If i don't you would avoid me, and i don't want that to happen. I can't stand you ignoring me cuz it hurts me a lot. Eventhough right now i know you don't have any feelings to my anymore and not a single i do would touch your heart, i just can't stand next to you and trying to lie myself that i don't care about you at all. We are so just standing right next to each other in this massive crowd, i can't lie to myself saying that i just want to grab you in my arms for that moment. Listen to Ellyn's lecture to her friend yest just made me want to break down and cry cuz i feel for that guy. We are so in love that we can sacrifice EVERYTHING just for that special person that makes you who you are today. There are still some who can't accept the fact that PEOPLE CHANGE, or WHAT IS OVER, IT'S GONE or BETRAYALS. It's hard cuz we can't believe that person we loved and gave everything, has simply changed. She doesn't need you anymore. thats all. When one person's wants and needs changes, everything changes cuz she doesn't give a damn about u anymore and she finds out i am not what she really actually wants. It's simple but cruel. I just have to accept it. I still feel like the whole world is crashing down but i am still gonna stand up. It's so painful that i can break down and cry like this but seeing her so happy, i just don't know whether i should be happy or feeling worse. I feel my heart is like torn so apart that i can even pick up my own pieces. Everyone thought i was okay and i am tough but guess what guys, i am not. Im seriously not but i won't give up on myself. I know she won't be there for me anymore to lend me a shoulder. No one will be there to wipe my face and hug me when i cry. I will always remember her soft kind gentle touches on my face as she cuddles me and tell me not to cry. I will always remember those.

I know! i clearly know. I am facing these facts. i am cuz i know i have always avoid the fact kind of person. It takes me like 4 years to get rid of that person who is not worthy of all my tears. I was a fool to let go of this amazing girl but guess what? nothing is going to change that. She has already gone. Her heart is locked with no keys. No matter what i am do, her doors wont budge.

2011-07-18T01:11:00.000+01:00

I don't know what happened and i don't know why you are mad at me. Why are u always angry at me for some reason. I don't understand. Anyway, it hard to go on without knowing why people are angry at me. It's okay. I gotta keep ignoring this feeling. i know i can. Btw, my dad and mom is already in London and guess what? i'm meeting them tomorrow afternoon. I know, it is really an awkward feeling to see your parents after almost a year without seeing them everyday hanging out in the living room or the dining area. LoL. I honestly miss them a lot and I've realized so much things when they are not around me. I wish i can share this experiences to people. So far, only Nazrin was there to talk to. We been talk about past, present and future all the way and he is a friend that i wanna cherish. Even her doesn't know about this. She wasn't there when i needed her. She thinks I'm still the same but i am not. I see the world differently now but the only problem is i don't know how to manage my love life. It's a total havoc and a misery business. Most of the time, i wasn't able to talk about this to her. I want to tell her and talk to her about these face to face. Eventhough she came all the way to UK, there wasn't actually a time i was able to talk freely to her. We were always rushing and racing with the time, thinking that we should spend every second together like a gold. Going everywhere or visiting the most places in a day doesn't mean it is spending time together but talking away and not thinking about time is spending our time together as we appreciate both of our minds together. I was wrong, i wanted to impress her so much that i would pack these activities in a day, thinking that we spend more time together when we are busy but the truth is we were both too busy, there was a free time left to spare for us to communicate well. I honestly regretted that I've planned it that way. She might think we are not suitable for each other but do you know the truth of our relationship? It was lack of trust and care. I have neglected you as my girlfriend and you have neglected me as a boyfriend. I do understand that you have your life over there but there wasn't much time for me too. I know you won't admit it but it's the truth. Trust? Yes, i lose trust in you. I can't keep lying to myself that i really trust because i don't. Trust is not an forced act and you can't ask me to trust you when i don't. Trust is gained and just like respect too. I have already supported my point that we are lacking of communication but you seem to think other way. Why can't you think like me? Why? Why do you have to put a fullstop on us? Why don't you trust in miracles. Trust the impossible. Falling in love with you was already an impossible thing to me so why don't you believe in possibilities? You can change the way you feel, but you can't change the way i think.You once say u liked because i have a different mind of others and i think differently. I'm telling you right now, this is how i think and feel about our relationship. You might think i'm talking crap here but it's okay. One day you will understand.

Justin Timberlake- Still On My Brain (Song Only)

2011-07-06T18:52:00.000+01:00

2011-07-03T23:03:00.000+01:00

I don't know if it is true or not but.... i can't breathe anymore. I feel like dying as i grasp for air. Why does this have to happen to me? I try my best to fight all these feelings away. I wanna let go so badly.

"A.I.N.Y. 愛你" [MV] - G.E.M. 鄧紫棋

2011-06-25T18:32:00.000+01:00

分開以後每個夜晚　格外的寂靜
Fen kai yi hou mei ge ye wan Ge wai de ji jing
After we separated, each night has been especially lonely
滴答滴答　剩大鐘在陪著我回憶
Di da di da Sheng da zhong zai pei zhe wo hui yi
Di da di da, only the big clock accompanies my memories
電話裡頭曾經是你最溫柔的聲音
Dian hua ki tou ceng jing shi ni zui wen rou de sheng yin
Your gentlest voice used to be on the phone
現在只有空氣　冷寞地回應
Xian zai zhi you kong qi Leng mo de hui ying
Now there's just air, a cold reply

OH　給你我的心　能否請你別遺棄
OH Gei ni wo de xin Neng fou qing ni bie yi qi
OH giving you my heart, can I request you don't leave me?
一句愛你愛你愛你愛你　能否再也不分離
Yi ju ai ni ai ni ai ni ai ni Neng fou zai ye bu fen li
An 'I love you, love you, love you, love you', can we not separate again?
OH　給你我的心　為什麼你卻給了我孤寂
OH Gei ni wo de xin Wei shen me ni que gei le wo gu ji
OH giving you my heart, yet why did you give me loneliness?
就算愛你愛你愛你愛你　可能你也不想聽
Jiu suan ai ni ai ni ai ni ai ni Ke neng ni ye bu xiang ting
Even though I love you, love you, love you, love you, perhaps you don't want to hear it

你的擁抱曾經是　最溫暖最熟悉
Ni de yong bao ceng jing shi Zui wen nuan zui shou xi
Your embrace used to be the warmest, the most familiar
現在換了誰安睡在你胸口的位置
Xian zai huan le shei an shui zai ni xiong kou de wei zhi
Now who's the one sleeping peacefully beside your chest?
你的承諾曾是一種不自覺的甜蜜
Ni de cheng nuo ceng shi yi zhong bu zi jue de tian mi
Your promise used to be a sweetness I was unaware of
現在一劃一筆　刺在我心裡
Xian zai yi hua yi bi Ci zai wo xin li
Now one brush, one stroke, it pierces my heart

OH　給你我的心　能否請你別遺棄
OH Gei ni wo de xin Neng fou qing ni bie yi qi
OH giving you my heart, can I request you don't leave me?
(I gave you everything, never asked for anything)
一句愛你愛你愛你愛你　能否再也不分離
Yi ju ai ni ai ni ai ni ai ni Neng fou zai ye bu fen li
An 'I love you, love you, love you, love you', can we not separate again?
(I wish that you could stay, Ha! It's just my wishful thinking)
OH　給你我的心　為什麼你卻給了我孤寂
OH Gei ni wo de xin Wei shen me ni que gei le wo gu ji
OH giving you my heart, yet why did you give me loneliness?
(I gave you everything, but all I got is pain)
就算愛你愛你愛你愛你　可能你也不想聽你不想聽
Jiu suan ai ni ai ni ai ni ai ni Ke neng ni ye bu xiang ting Ni bu xiang ting
Even though I love you, love you, love you, love you, perhaps you don't wanna hear it, don't wanna hear it
(Although my heart is bleeding, you still don't feel a thing)

回憶　對你最後的回憶
Hui yi Dui ni zui hou de hui yi
Memory, my last memory of you
(回憶最後的回憶)
(Hui yi Zui hou de hui yi)
(Memory, last memory)
是你　慢慢走遠的身影
Shi ni Man man zou yuan de shen yin
Was your shadow, slowly walking far away)
(是你走遠的身影)
(Shi ni Zou yuan de shen yin)
(Was your shadow walking far away)
然後你　離開了沒有痕跡
Ran hou ni Li kai le mei you hen ji
Then you, left without a trace
(然後你　離開)
(Ran hou ni Li kai)
(Then you, left)
然後我　崩潰了放縱哭泣
Ran hou wo Beng kui le fang zong ku qi
Then I, fell apart and cried uncontrollably
(然後我　哭泣)
(Ran hou wo Ku qi)
(Then I, cried)
恨你恨你　每當我想起曾經
Hen ni hen ni Mei dang wo xiang qi ceng jing
Hate you, hate you, every time I think of the past
(恨你　每當我想你　每當我想起曾經)
(Hen ni Mei dang wo xiang ni Mei dang wo xiang qi ceng jing)
(Hate you, every time I think of you, every time I think of the past)
曾經曾經曾經曾經......
Ceng jing ceng jing ceng jing ceng jing.....
I once, once, once, once....

還是愛你愛你愛你愛你
Hai she ai ni ai ni ai ni ai ni
Still loved you, loved you, loved you, loved you
難道還不能清醒
Nan dao hai bu neng qing xing
Could it be that I still can't wake up?

OH　給你我的心　為什麼你卻給了我孤寂
OH Gei ni wo de xin Wei shen me ni que gei le wo gu ji
OH giving you my heart, yet why did you give me loneliness?
(I gave you everything, never asked for anything)
一句愛你愛你愛你愛你　難道你也不想聽
Yi ju ai ni ai ni ai ni ai ni Nan dao ni ye bu xiang ting
An 'I love you, love you, love you, love you', could it be that you don't want to hear it?
(I wish that you could stay, Ha! It's just my wishful thinking)
OH　給你我的心　為什麼你卻給了我孤寂
OH Gei ni wo de xin Wei shen me ni que gei le wo gu ji
OH giving you my heart, yet why did you give me loneliness?
(I gave you everything, but all I got is pain)
就算愛你愛你愛你愛你　不值得為你傷心　傷心
Jiu suan ai ni ai ni ai ni ai ni Bu zhi de wei ni shang xin Shang xin
Even if I love you, love you, love you, love you, not worth heartache, heartache, because of you
(Although my heart is bleeding, you still don't feel a thing)

Your confession remains to be my final pleading,
but the only thing that's here with me is tic tac tic tac tic tac tic tac......

2011-06-24T05:01:00.000+01:00

I don't understand why when times that people needed someone, i will be there to go through pain with them. But, when it comes to my turn, people just leave me.. Friends or lovers, both are the same. They couldn't remember those times i did for them. I really don't know who should i talk to and i felt so suffocated. I can't talk to anyone. Friends? For now, i have none that i can talk to. Why is this happening to my life? This is probably the roughest time i have in my life. No one understands this. Don't tell me you understand but the truth is.. you've never experienced this in your life. Friends or lovers. I don't need people like that anymore. They are people who just gets bored of you and leaves you like that. Is it so hard to listen to me? All i want to lend is just a pair of ears. That's all. You don't have to say anything but asking questions is enough. I wanna end this, seriously and start a new life. A new beginning.

Permanent, not temporary.

2011-06-24T04:43:00.000+01:00

Not a word.. not a question. What's happening next? I guess no one really cares. People who really cares only asked how am i. I was too naive to think that you might asked me. Maybe you care or maybe don't have the time but i must accept the fact that it's not ur problem nor responsibilities. I guess our time has gone. What is gone, is gone forever. I should let go. Permanently and not temporarily. Be strong, Michelle. Be brave to face your fears. Lastly, do not depend or put hopes in anyone.

David Choi - By My Side (MP3)

2011-06-23T04:08:00.000+01:00

Lee Hom - Saturday Night (with english and pinyin subtitles)

2011-06-21T04:24:00.000+01:00

丁噹猜不透 MV (五月天瑪莎跨刀演出)

2011-06-20T20:22:00.000+01:00

猜不透
cai bu tou
Unable to guess
你最近時好時壞的沈默
ni zui jin shi hao shi huai de chen mo
whether lately, your silence is good or bad.
我也不想去追問太多
wo ye bu xiang qu zhui wen tai duo
And I don't want to ask too much.
讓試探為彼此的心上了鎖
rang shi tan wei bi ci de xin shang le suo
Let the try outs lock our hearts.

猜不透
cai bu tou
Unable to guess
相處會比分開還寂寞
xiang chu hui bi fen kai hai ji mo
(why) getting along with each other is lonelier then breaking up.
兩個人都只是得過且過
liang ge ren dou zhi shi de guo qie guo
Two person is just satisfied just to get through.
無法感受每次觸摸
wu fa gan shou mei ci chu mo
Unable to feel every touch.
是真的是熱的
shi zhen de shi re de
It's real. It's hot.

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
ru guo hu yuan hu jin de sa tuo
If a sudden far, a sudden close escape
是你要的自由
shi ni yao de zi you
is the freedom you want,
那我寧願回到一個人生活
na wo ning yuan hui dao yi ge ren sheng huo
then I rather go back to the life of being alone.
如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
ru guo hu leng hu re de wen rou
If a sudden cold, a sudden hot warmth
是你的藉口
shi ni de jie kou
is your excuse,
那我寧願對你從沒認真過
na wo ning yuan dui ni cong mei ren zhen guo
then I rather to have never been serious with you.

猜不透
cai bu tou
Unable to guess
相處會比分開還寂寞
xiang chu hui bi fen kai hai ji mo
(why) getting along with each other is lonelier then breaking up.
兩個人都只是得過且過
liang ge ren dou zhi shi de guo qie guo
Two person is just satisfied just to get through.
無法感受每次觸摸
wu fa gan shou mei ci chu mo
Unable to feel every touch.
是真的是熱的
shi zhen de shi re de
It's real. It's hot.

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
ru guo hu yuan hu jin de sa tuo
If a sudden far, a sudden close escape
是你要的自由
shi ni yao de zi you
is the freedom you want,
那我寧願回到一個人生活
na wo ning yuan hui dao yi ge ren sheng huo
then I rather go back to the life of being alone.
如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
ru guo hu leng hu re de wen rou
If a sudden cold, a sudden hot warmth
是你的藉口
shi ni de jie kou
is your excuse,
那我寧願對你從沒認真過
na wo ning yuan dui ni cong mei ren zhen guo
then I rather to have never been serious with you.

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
ru guo hu yuan hu jin de sa tuo
If a sudden far, a sudden close escape
是你要的自由
shi ni yao de zi you
is the freedom you want,
那我寧願回到一個人生活
na wo ning yuan hui dao yi ge ren sheng huo
then I rather go back to the life of being alone.
如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
ru guo hu leng hu re de wen rou
If a sudden cold, a sudden hot warmth
是你的藉口
shi ni de jie kou
is your excuse,
那我寧願對你從沒認真過
na wo ning yuan dui ni cong mei ren zhen guo
then I rather to have never been serious with you.

到底這感覺誰對誰錯
dao di zhe gan jue shei dui shei cuo
In this feeling, who's right or wrong?
我已不想追究
wo yi bu xiang zhui jiu
I already don't want to investigate (it anymore).
越是在乎的人越是猜不透
yue shi zai hu de ren yue shi cai bu tou
The more you care about someone, the more unguessable it is.

阿桑 - 葉子

2011-06-20T20:13:00.001+01:00

歌曲：叶子
歌手：阿桑

叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀是落在天上的叶子
天堂原来应该不是妄想
只是我早已经遗忘
当初怎麽开始飞翔
孤单是一个人的狂欢
狂欢是一群人的孤单
爱情原来的开始是陪伴
但我也渐渐地遗忘
当时是怎样有人陪伴
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你
孤单是一个人的狂欢
狂欢是一群人的孤单
爱情原来的开始是陪伴
但我也渐渐地遗忘
当时是怎样有人陪伴
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀是落在天上的叶子
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你
我一个人吃饭旅行(到处)走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

2011-06-20T12:29:00.001+01:00

Day 3

I couldn't sleep it again. Woke up with this throbbing headache. I could still feel my heart tearing a little. It hurts and i'm not gonna lie about it. When i think, it's all over and you don't seem to have the same vision with me. When i was explaining to you, you said you were tired which i understand. It's okay, i'm fine. Maybe i have to start realizing that you can't be my side anymore. As i've said, you should be fine cuz with all ur friends there to support you and it's not gonna make much difference if we are still together or not cuz you have settled down with ur current life at Malaysia (which i think is good for you). I'm not feeling envy or anything. I'm just glad that you can settle down quickly. For me, i'm still learning. I always take breakups and separations very well. I don't handle well too but i'm still learning. I have to give up eventhough i don't want to.

2011-06-19T21:36:00.000+01:00

I need to go for a drink tonight. Haihz. I suddenly thought of "i hate this part right here". heh... got yoga's song blasting from my laptop. i dun know whether i should laugh seeing myself like that..

What hurts the most

2011-06-19T19:56:00.000+01:00

Day 2

Seeing you so happy right now.. it somehow just hurts me.. maybe u don't need me at all from the beginning. It's okay as long as you're happy. Maybe it wasn't what i've expected. You've recovered faster than i thought. Maybe i'm the only struggling to let go these feelings. Struggling with these tears and this heart-breaking thing. I always say that i wanna go overseas to avoid people and right now, my wishes has come true and why does it gets more overbearing? I can't be there to fix things and i can just watch her leaving but i can't do anything. It really does hurts.. i need to accept the fact that is continuing her life well without me. I have to accept it.

Wheesung - Tell Me (말을 해줘) [ENG]

2011-06-19T01:42:00.000+01:00

Tell me, that this isn't the end.

2011-06-18T22:22:00.001+01:00

Can't it just stop raining?

2011-06-18T19:59:00.004+01:00

Said Goodbye

Composer: Jay Chou (周杰倫) (周杰伦)
Lyricist: Gu Xiao Li (古小力) (古小力) / Huang Ling Jia (黃凌嘉) (黄凌嘉)

It's gotten cold, it's raining, you left
Things are clear now, the one I love, I've lost
The fallen leaves float on the surface of the lake sleeping

I want to let go, yet I can't let go, the tears are drifting
You take a look, you take a look but can't see
I pretend the past isn't important, yet I find out I can't do it

[We] said goodbye, only then do I find out we can't see each other again
I can't just lose your smile like this
The lipstick is on the corner of the table, but you and I can't find it
What do you say if we switched roles?

[We] said goodbye, only then do I find out we can't see each other again
Can I just bear the pain and hold back the tears like this
You said you'd be with me till we're old and that we'd go there to find eternity
Just another hug, a minute, a second will do

Your smile, your goodness, in my mind, they constantly whirl around
My hand can't forget the warmth of your hand
My heart breaks into pieces on the ground, I can't pick up that heart beat from the past
I'm imprisoned in the past and have no strength to run away

[We] say goodbye, only then do I find out we can't see each other again
Can I just bear the pain and hold back the tears like this
You said you'd be with me till we're old and that we'd go there to find eternity
Just another hug, a minute, a second will do

2011-06-18T18:05:00.010+01:00

I know you have lost all of our memories while i still kept them. We don't value our relationship as much till we lost it.

Remember, when we bring bit bit to library?

My first flowers to you.

First date out as a couple.

We went to the competition together.

The book we promised to write each time when we go somewhere.

2nd concert together

haha

I don't know if i should smile or cry.

Your lap that i will never forget.

Love at first sight

Your kiss that i will never forget

First time bringing you to the park.

We always wanted to go to to Lookout Point.

Sorry, i couldn't make you happy as i used to.

Sorry, i was an idiot

Sorry, i've hurted you.

Sorry, when i realized i've fallen in love with you.

i'm sorry that i couldn't hold your hand to go through this journey together anymore.

林宥嘉 Yoga Lin - 想自由 Freedom MV [English subs + Pinyin + Chinese]

2011-06-18T17:43:00.000+01:00

2011-06-18T17:42:00.002+01:00

Day 1 (2011)

There is always a reason why i do everything. I regret loggin into my FB account again. It sucks to see some things. Eventhough i din't ask anyone but somehow i know where you are and who are you with. Things just popped out right to my face. I seriously don't wanna know anything cuz it's gonna hurt me a lot. She might be spending the night with that fella and having fun to forget about me and this breakup thing. *sighs heavily* Whatever it is. You and her is totally non-of-my-business. I don't wanna CARE. I DONT WANNA KNOW. You want it, i want it to end this way. Sorry, i've hurted you and don't worry, it's gonna be a new starting for u. You might find a new one to replace me. Don't worry about being questioned or asked where you are going and what are u doing with whoever. You won't hear me asking you again.

We seem to forget of all the things that makes us stronger instead we kept thinking all those things that makes us weaker. You don't remember all those things i've did for you so am i. I forget all those little things you did that meant so much in our relationship. It's too late, rite?

God, what is this you're trying to tell me? Whatever happens, it is meant to be right? I cannot change my destiny. If she is mine, she will be mine. If it's not, then...

2011-05-02T01:38:00.003+01:00

Crazy as it seems. I'm back to blogspot after a couple of months since my absentism. There is something i want to express but i figure that it would be a little too publicly. Right now, i'm currently ill. I don't know what's going on. I can't feel like my body used in other words, healthy. (apparently more or less). Well, back to the point. Things have changed a lot ever since i've left Malaysia. I've experienced a lot of pressure on my work but nevertheless, my personal skills have enhanced. My patience have also tested. People do change. I wouldn't be honest if i said i din't change. Yes, i did change in terms of my inner/mental growth. No, i am still fat. LOLZ. What i found out something i couldn't change no matter how hard i try and that is the complexity of my mind. There is this part of me that always tells me, "No, she hasn't change", "She still loves you as always" but there is another part of me that reminds me of the probability of the reality? "You don't know what is REALLY going on back there", "Are u certain that she hasn't change?" and "8 months of absent in her life is probably the 8 months that people try fill in my place instead". I cannot deny that i am not confident with myself or was it because of the lack of trust in her? Two totally different things but yet so similar things that i myself couldn't know. The days are approaching so near that i am going to see her again but why? Why do i feel nothing at all? Was it the lack of enthusiasm or has things changed? I do not want to suspect her anymore but why there is something that tells me that she is hiding things from me? Was it because we argue too much about "her"? How can some outsider just interrupts our amazing relationship? I don't know what are those things u told her but i truly cannot trust her. You should know it clearly she is isn't the ideal friend to tell something private to cuz probably she's gotta a big-watermelon-mouth. =='''

2011-02-16T01:52:00.003Z

it's been awhile.. ok i know this phrase is getting sooo old. haha.. but i feel so awkward to be blogging right now. Anyone can blog for this for 5 years consequently, i would so suggest you to enter the journalism career path. lmao. For baby, i will revive this dead blog again. Like comon, http://www.littlelonelynaoki.blogspot.com/ sounds too cool for 2011.. haha.. sarcasm. I'm struggling with the topic of my dissertation. I have to write some shit for twelve thousand words! yes, 12 000. I swear i can be an author in case if i fall into one of those category of the unemployed graduates due to world's recession "lorh"

2010-12-31T00:30:00.002Z

I can't wait till u received my christmas card. I do hope u know what i wrote. hehehe. Miss u like crazy. I dun know why. I don't write/blog that much now. I wonder why. I have so much time but i'm very lazy to put all my memories or any experiences in words. I just wish we have a visual blog or something. Something records my whole process of the day, that would be awesome!

2010-12-18T06:41:00.000Z

My past has come back again. WHY IS EVERYONE LYING TO ME? WHYYY?! U CANT BLAME ME IF I DO ANYTHING..............

2010-12-18T01:27:00.002Z

Even your girlfriend doesn't give a fcuk about u. What do u expect? I seriously dun wanna care anymore.

2010-12-16T17:21:00.002Z

i don't know what is this feeling i am feeling right now. Have u ever felt like u wanna just return to a place so much that it hurts to face the reality that it's impossible to be there. i wanna go home. I know i'm kinda loner sometimes but keeping people beside me is the best way to express/feel that i actually love them. Christmas is coming soon. Mum just e-mailed me what she did for christmas. She is roasting the turkey for cell group. She is kinda busy this year.. normally, she would decorate the christmas tree but this year...i guess it's a little quiet without me bossing around. haha. I would so definetely roast my own turkey again like the previous year and maybe some grilled vegetables, bread.... hmhm.. i miss those days. Every year without doubt, i would be home for Christmas eve... dinner all together with family. drinking.. and i would invite some of friends to celebrate too.. Hmm. wine... grandma's soup and the sweet and sour pork ribs.. hmm.. definetely there is roast duck! (my fav) and well, dad would open up few bottles of wine. My brother would be.. well.. just hanging around the television with Darren kept insisting that he wants to watch some cartoon... Hmm, guess what? This year it's without me. I wonder how they feel? Will they feel as much different?

I just finally figured out.. I missed them more than they should be and i've just realized it. I miss my grandma... i wanna talk to her... s..o...r...r...y for always saying hurtful things to you. i'm so sorry... and i've regret everything that i've said.. No one could ever understand what i'm feeling. No one cares.. No one knows... I dun need anyone to TRY to understand me. I just wanna go home.. I dun wanna be alone here.

2010-12-16T04:15:00.003Z

Is it just me or something.. i haven't seen or speak to for quite some time? It feels like months. I miss u sooooo much.. haiz. and watching L word everyday is killing every inch of me. I want to be with my lover too. So much drama in the lesbian world. Women are all about sex. lolz. I'm so envy that those girls just practically do what they wanna do and they enjoyed it. Ok, well... maybe not discussing about sex. I'm just so amazed how women attract to one another. It's as though women can live in this world without man. Well, maybe not the fertilizing part but well... they are hot & sexy together. hahah

PS: Received my postcard ?

2010-12-06T01:24:00.004Z

What is Christmas to you? Maybe u think it's some sort of big day of celebration when everyone get together, having parties, get together, exchanging gifts, family gathering ...but the real meaning of 25th December is the birth of Jesus. As a Christian, I am celebrating his birth to this world. Since then, everything in this world had changed. Thank you God for sending your beloved son to this world to save us. There is one verse i've like to share. My mom has taught me this verse and she seriously wants me to memorize this special verse when i'm still a kid. I really don't know why she would really pushed me to memorize it. She says it's a very important verse and i've got to remember it forever and at that time, i was kinda... like blah blah and i was still curious and i know i know why. I know why i am even in this world. This is the reason:

John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (New International Version, ©2010)

Baby, i know you are still mad at me that why am i so stubborn and i'm sorry that u have to be alone in Christmas. I wonder what would we do during Christmas. I wish i could invite you to my house during Christmas. I know there is not much thing i've told you about Christmas. For this Christmas, i do not feel so lonely like i used to because i have someone special in my life. I've finally found you. For 19 years of Christmas, i've found no one i could share my Christmas with. The reason i feel happy it's because i have finally found something that i really need to cherish and feel thankful for. I could be far away from you but nothing is gonna stop me from loving you. If God would have me away from you from years but we would still be together. Why not? I'm still thankful that someone is still loving me. Remember last Christmas? we came together to Sunway as good friends and this Christmas.. it's so different... I have you as someone more than just a good friend. I really wish we could spend Christmas together and i would like to pray with you. Man, it feels so weird but it's probably my first time that i want to pray with someone. I admit i'm not very religious person but the truth is i'm always close with God. He is my friend. My Father. My Saviour. For this Christmas eventhough we are not together but i wish at least our hearts are ONE. I want to thank God for everything He had done for both of us, my family and my friends. I just hope i could send something for u to remember of me. That's all. What is important is just our hearts. I really just want to present you that cuz i've never really give u anything yet and i really hope you like it. =D

2010-11-19T05:18:00.002Z

Just came back from a weird situation from irene's place. It's 5.41am and guess what? I've found out Nazrin really does LOVE Novia which is a NO-NO. I was stopping always stopping Nazrin for giving special treatment to Novia but somehow now i realized it. He is actually "FALLING IN LOVE" with Novia which makes me harder for me cuz as i friend, i have to protect him from going to the wrong direction. I don't want him to get a heartbreak cuz I seriously knows how it feels to love and lose someone just like that. Now, i really want him to fight for it cuz one day, he would just regret it. Man, i feel so sad for him that he is having his first love right now. I know he has gfs before but this time, he is... falling deep. I feel so sorry for him that it has to Novia. All i can do is hope, somehow miracles would happen to him too cuz... i've already had mine and that is you, Yuenz.

If there is no you. I wouldn't be here or be who i am right now. You have helped me through my painful and suffering times and i'm just so glad i've found you. My bestfriend, my lover, and my family. I know we have not been contacting much but my feelings for u will just stays the same. It doesn't matter if i can't see you for 5 years. I will still love you as much as i do from the day i realized how i felt for you. Baby, i really wished you were here. I missed you so much. Everywhere i go, i thought of you. I wish Nazrin would also have the miracle that happens between me and you. I'm so sorry if i've neglected you, i never meant to do those things. Thank you so much for your understanding and your love for me. Although 5 months is quite short but we are going through a really big obstacle that every relationship has to go through and i promised we will never ever gonna seperate again. You hear me, i said NEVER!

I love you, baby girl. Just like always i do.

Ps: i miss hugging your back and your scent. I actually don't know how it feels like already. But i just missed it.

2010-10-29T04:27:00.002+01:00

You have no idea how u meant to me do you? i don't know why would u always give me away to 'others'. Well, it's not like i have admirers or stg. Only you who wants me. I really do seldom express my feelings out a lot but i just wish somehow u would know. I guess it's my bad too. If only i could assure you that you are my one and only one. do u understand? No more doubts, baby. what else would i be if i'm without you? i won't even exist. Its like i exist its because of you. Never will i wanted to leave u. I know i can say mean things when im angry but u should know, i won't go anywhere unless u told me to or else you will just need to stick with forever. haha. I love you so much. I meant the world to me. I love you so much than u can ever imagine, baby. Just have faith in our relationship and let's try to work this out. Let's try to change. If there is anything that u wanna talk to me about, just tell me anything. My doors are always open to you, my darling. Just stay close with me, ok? Just let me do what a man should do and you should do what a woman should do. With it comes to big fight, i hope you could do this for us. I this confirmation that you really needed me sometimes but all you do is just let it go. Was i that unimportant to you? There is so many solutions and i wish we could disscuss this together.

2010-10-22T01:35:00.004+01:00

I know it's been awhile and i have really updated anything yet. Lolz.. it's always me and the excuses. Right, i really busy right now. Fuck it, man. My assignments are like the worst thing u could ever imagine. I mean it's like a whole new lvl and i can't seem to catch up sometimes. It's like a 1st grader trying to read a 3rd grade book. =='' it's pretty hard to explain though. Btw, my english is not really improving cuz we tend to speak a lot of bahasa malaysia whenever we want to have a gossip/discussion which is plainly ironic. We sounded like we are like scholars, man. lolz. Erm, I'm joining a boxing class soon which is kinda cool. I went to the boxing gym with naz to ask about classes and stuff and what's really scary was how violent and disciplined all of the students ar.. omg.. they kept punching like there is no tmr and constant sit-up breaks... Man, i'm gonna have abs soon by undergoing this. Tell u what, let me share a few fun thing's i've noticed in Leeds.

1. UK ppl loves eye contact which is obviously not my thing. First of all, if you know/noticed me well enough, i do not look into ur eyes for more than.. hmm let's see... 5 secs? I find it's so awkward and disturbing and the same time for u to just look at someone like that. It's just distracting. it's almost like a crime! lolz. See what i'm getting?

2. UK ppl loves to drink. i mean like .. A LOT AND LOTS. They drink and they drink and drink like it's like coke? no, i mean like WATER but personally wonder why i choose this picture instead of Fosters(Aus) or Carling(UK) cuz i just love CORONA TOO MUCH! hehe. I tell you it taste soo muuchhh better with wedge of lemon!

3.. is well. to be continued the next time cuz i just gotta finish my assingments.. hehe

2010-10-16T22:40:00.003+01:00

Baby, where have you been? I'm so worried about you. Do u know i just can live a day or maximum 3 days without any news from you. Was i so bad that you don't wanna talk to me? Everywhere i go, i seem to only think about you. "hmm, maybe i should get her this?" or "maybe she likes this?". I really miss u so so much. This few days i just kept thinking of going back. I don't know why. I don't even know why am i crying now. I just came back from a trip to Whitby and i should be happy. I know it's been almost a month i'm here. I can't actually feel that i'm seriously here. Everyday passed as it seems like i've been here for a short time but i din't realize it's already a month. 8 more months to go. But i know u're like miles and seas away from me. I can't talk to you face to face, i can't touch you, i can't hold your hands, i can't kiss you. Baby, i really wanna go home. I know you have been feeling this emotion ever since i left. Now, it hits me. I can't go see you like i want to because i really want to see you so badly. It's killing every inch of me.

Here i am, in my room.. It just feels like this just my like my room except there is new interior design. No noice right now, cuz everyone is out partying and coming home at the middle of the nite drunk. Well, at least i get a moment of peace and quiet. I know it's just days since i've heard her but i felt so insecure. Who knows she is sick of me already? She is tired of this distance? i don't know. I'm scared.... .. .. .. .

2010-10-03T00:22:00.003+01:00

Baby is clearly drunk!

Baby, I'm sorry that i've haven't payed much attention to your needs. You are right. Sometimes i might say things that hurt you but i want you to know everything i said is just sometimes i was a bit mad so i say horrible things to you. You know i will never ever give up on us. "This time i want it all, Showing you all the cards, giving you all my heart." I'm starting to believe that we are meant to be together. Nothing is gonna seperate us. Definetely not DISTANCE. I don't care how much miles we are away from each other, it is not gonna be the reason that breaks us apart. I just want you to remember that we can't always contact as much as we used to be but please do not give up ok? Let's be understanding and work this out together. We can climb every mountain together just don't let go my hand, okay? After i've reached Leeds, it just make me realized how much MORE important you are right now and honestly, i don't want anyone else except you. I miss you so so so much that words can describe anymore. I love you soooo much that it i think i could REALLY DIE without you. Ok, i may sound chezzy... but haha.. I really can't live without you. Love is not the strongest word i would describe how much i felt for you! It is way more than love.

I'm learning how to be independent and i can't always think about going back home rite? I have to live my life as a DEGREE STUDENT now and study hard and go through my dissertation.. I wanna bring home with a new knowledge that no one ever else have it. Plus, only good dessertations gets to be published as a BOOK! Wow! i was seriously amazed with those ppl who really work their asses off. I really want to be something that everyone would be proud of cuz i wasn't born with any natural talent or ambitious. All i wanted to be is make everyone to be proud of me. When people are happy, i am happy too. Just want you to be proud to tell all ur friends and family that you have such a wise and charming bf. haha. I'm so anxious and nervous when they talk about dissertations but it keeps me exicited at the same time. I wonder how my dissertation gonna be?

2010-10-02T03:36:00.001+01:00

Here i am waiting for u to online and off u go just like that. There goes my nite. SO tired with my eyes swollen. I seriously need some sleep.

2010-10-02T03:00:00.003+01:00

This song is called "This Time". No, it wasn't by Wonder Girls. It was by one of my favourite singer whose name goes by famous John Legend. I know i have nothing much to say because i couldn't express what i wanted to tell u. All i know is just getting angry and say foul words. Then, i go back to my room regretting everything i sad and just cry. Sorry if u think it's stupid for me to cry. I can't go on if the other half of us wants to stop. I couldn't understand why are getting further apart.. I'm so sad.. It doesn't matter if i'm all alone out here far away from my home. It's hard. NO one knows that i actually wanna go home so badly.. Who wants to live in a place where anyone can't sleep properly at nite due to loud music? who wants to live a place where ppl just looks at u like u're an alien? Who wants to live a place where u only got no other friends except those who came with u? Honestly, i dun have any new friends except the few friendly China girls? WHO WANTS TO DO DISSERTATION OF 1200 WORDS?! Everyone out there i know u might think i'm enjoying myself here so why don't you guys just come over here and join me too?? i bet u wouldn't even live 1 week here... but i'm not gonna give up cuz i know just one day... just one day, when i turn and look back i know i've deserve to get something good in return. I deserve to be happy too. I deserve to live happily with the one i love. I deserve to have u too.

So this song.. is dedicated to you.

Ran into you yesterday
Memories rushed through my brain
Its starting to hit me
Now you're not with me
I realize I made a mistake
I thought that I needed some space
But i just let love go to waste
Its so crystal clear now
That I need you here now
I gotta get you back today

This time I want it all
This time I want it all
Showing you all the cards
Giving you all my heart
This time Ill take the chance
This time Ill be your man
I can be all you need
This time its all of me

I hit the bar every night
looking to score a good time
Its not like I planned it
Left empty handed
Cause Im still alone in my mind
Now what will it take to feel right
Can i come see you tonight
Is there someone new now
What can i do now
Cause i need you back by my side

This time I want it all
This time I want it all
Showing you all the cards
Giving you all my heart
This time Ill take the chance
This time Ill be your man
I can be all you need
This time its all of me

Last time I wasnt sure.
This time i will give you more
Im more mature
Ill show you
Last time i didnt know
I messed up let her let you go
I need you, dont say no

Laying alone in this room
All that is missing is you
Pick up the phone
Wont you come home

This time i want it all
This time i want it all
I' m showing you all the cards
Giving you all my heart
This time Ill take the chance
This time Ill be your man
I can be all you need
This time its all of me
All of me

2010-09-25T04:55:00.002+01:00

Fucking people jsut can't stop partying and they are blasting off music at 4am.. motherchaohai. haiz. I regret choosing this. I feel like i wanan quit everything now. This is just not suitable for me. I shudnt have left Malaysia. I shouldn't done that. Baby, i miss u like so so so so so so so much. I regret leaving u. I regret leaving u all alone at Malaysia. I'm so sorry.

2010-08-29T22:01:00.006+01:00

It's been about a month or more since i've updated my blog. It's not because i'm bored of it or anything. Maybe is just that there is nothing that inspires me to blog about it. Maybe i took for granted for things that i've done. It's too late to realize that it's too late? We have some much memories together and all i want is to keep it in my heart. Baby, i know u are gonna be devastated when i told u i'm gonna leave to UK. I know it's gonna so hard for u. I never wanna blog cuz i don't want u to be more burdened cuz right now it's ur critical point.. U have so much assingments to do and... I don't want my departure to affect ur work.

Baby, do u know how much i don't wanna leave too? But i have to cuz i wanna learn to be independent. I wanna come home as a better person. I want you to be proud of me. I wanna gain more wisdom and exposure out there because i wanna be a wise person in no matter what i do.. i don't want to make a wrong decision that would affect OUR future. I want everything to be perfect for u. I want us to have everything we wanted. I know it is not easy but we ain't that young anymore. We are adults now. It's time to start thinking about our lives. I know people around us may not seem to start thinking that way. It's okay. It's the Malaysian culture. Parents kept treating their children like kids. I don't want to be spoon-feed anymore. I want to grab that spoon and feed it myself and to those whom i love. It's time for me to be the one feeding people. For the sake of a better future, we have to work hard for it, ok? Baby, please believe me.. Nor matter what happens, i will come back for you. I love you.

Do you know what? I have always been searching my goals ever since i've born out to this world. I'm not like the other kids who knows what they like and what they wanted. Some of them want to be a doctor (well, it's always somebody have to choose that one), some wants to be a policeman, some wants to be firefighter. Guess what? I never wanted to be anything. Now, i've just realized.. i don't need to be something special. All i wanted was just to have my own family. My kids and my wife. So it doesn't matter what my job is, the most important is to earn enough money to support my family. U know what? I really want to be a dad. I really do and don't know why. If i could be a dad, my child would have the greatest love ever. I know this goal would be my lifetime goal cuz it's gonna be tough for me. First of all, i ain't born out as a boy. I'm a girl. I still somehow doubt God's plans for me cuz i know i am not in my right body. No one says a girl couldn't be a dad. I know this is gonna be tough road for me but i choose this and i don't want my heart to do something that is not from my will. I am sure i will know what to do later on.

I guess people will change and i finally wanted a change in me. I'm literally abusing my comfort zone. I'm not just saying but i'm gonna prove it to everyone who look down on me.

2010-08-02T14:29:00.004+01:00

I seriously don't know what's wrong with us these days. i kept arguing and get angry over small little stuff.. it's really frustrating. I just did a little surgery to myself yesterday. din't know it bleed that much.. anyway... I've been aiming for this laptop and i hope that they have it in the pc fair coming this weekends. Renewing passport tmr so i can't cut my hair yet cuz i wanna look the best feminin side of me without a little sideburns at least. I'm so gonna do something new to my hairstyle. Been so lazy to blog these days and i don't know why... probably i written it in the book d.. so... but i guess my blog will revive again when i get to UK. It's gonna be my 9months-journal blog. Mom said my signature is too simple and she requested me to get a new one or upgrade it.. haha. so what? my signature is practically a M & C combined together = MC. that's it... urgh.. i have been having problems to create my own signature for a very very very long time lo... now i have to face it. I have understand it. I have to solve it. I have to get a NEW SIGNATURE!

Soon u will be mine. Left 4 Dead 2, COD 4, Bioshock, Far Cry 2, Resident Evil 5, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2... damn.. all these games i have been dreaming to play... I love the gaming excitement where u can't get it anywhere but from video games.

2010-07-25T12:44:00.005+01:00

Got these from the toy exibition in Midvalley yesterday. I know we are so dorky that we spend almost 1-2 hours assembling the plastic figures and also the lego replica figures. haha.. It was so childish but we were clearly enjoying every moment of it. Plus, we were in STARBUCKS! lolz.. people must be wondering why are we so happy playing around with those toys...lmao.. I personally like my "L" cuz i like him a lot. Ignorant and cool characteristics. He is just pretty cool and baby also got what she wanted and that is "Near" cuz he is so cute with that robot figure. Hehe.. We practically spend about rm30 for this two. We were so afraid that we got a different character instead but in the end, we hit the JACKPOT! WE GOT WHAT WE REALLY WANTED!! It was really cool cuz it was such a lucky thing and we were just so happy about it. Yeah, we still have a kid's behaviour. We raced to see who got the first in assembling the racing car and she finishes first but... it was clearly a disqualification cuz she assemble the tyres terbalik! hehehehe. She still claims that the tyre can't work wor... LMAO. amboi, terbalik maaaaa! chiu~

awww! so cute

2010-07-25T12:41:00.002+01:00

For 20 years, I always have this problem and i hope i could solve it soon. Will at least it can be solved from the outside. God, i'm so nervous.

2010-07-11T10:09:00.004+01:00

Baby,

i know we have been arguing more than usual for this whole month. I started to wonder is it my fault or urs that we just can't stop fighting. Both of us are sensitive and stubborn sometimes. I tend to get mad easily and u tend to say wrong things. You got serious, i was joking. SO much similarities yet so different. Baby, i just want you to know that no matter what happens just stick close to me. I won't let you go. I love you more than i know it myself. You are so important to me. Without you, i don't know what is left in this world. I know my words may sound simple but i meant everything i said. I know i've promised that i would listen to you first before doing something stupid again. I'm trying to keep that promise. i know i'm imperfect. I wanna be a better person for you. I wanna make everything perfect for you. For this one month and 7 days, i am so happy to be with you. I know it's not long but all the sweat and tears, i've learned how to trust someone again. Another thing i want you to know is.. no matter what happens in the future, i'm always there to catch u when u fall. So please let me catch you. If the world is going to turn agaisnt you, you will still have me. i won't go anywhere. always and forever i will be there. okay, baby? =)

Ps: I love you. I wish i could see you now. I miss you so much.

Love,

Steamy Dim Sum

2010-07-07T12:46:00.005+01:00

The exams lasted for about a week with non-stop written paper exams, practicals, and also PSR (Professional Situation Report). The worst was the PSR cuz it's basicly interview with one lecturer and one external jury (mostly from the hotel industry) and we are like interviewed about our 6months training at the industry. For example, what i've learned and Q&A is also conducted. It was like so fucking scary.. cuz it's just u and them sitting there for about 15-20mins and u dun know what they would ask the next second. I got really bad for my F&B.. cuz of the external jury... mother chut.. ask those questions seriously not for a diploma student to answer. Front office was practically okay... cuz it's PSR with practical together... but i forgot some steps... SOP (Standard Operation Procedure) .. oh well.. i already knew i would get front office cuz.. i just got this sixth sense.. so i din't read HK lo... anyway.. it's all over now...

I celebrated my results at Seafood Restaurant South Sea with family. I insist that my grandma have to come along too. Woah, the place was fantastic. Food with excellent quality and freshness. Dad ordered sour & spicy chili crabs with fried mantao, barbequed squid, fresh stir-fry vegetables, recommended fried bihun?, steamed and stir-fry lala and a cheesy LOBSTER! wuhooo! syok babi gila.. lobster meat was so tangy... it's my second time having lobster in my life. Marvelous food to have with family! We enjoyed the dinner a lots .. and my stomach was rather bloated. lolz.. and i gotta forced in a half pint of Carlsberg. ==''' Then, came back and went to chillex to watch Germany VS Argentina match. Yeah, Germany kicked them gau gau with 4-0. Fought with baby about silly stuff... haiz....

2010-06-07T13:24:00.006+01:00

Yau yeng leh? XD

Okay.. it's about time for me to update my blog since weeks ago. As u know, i went for the Khalil Fong's 2010 Timeless Concert in Genting Highlands. It's on the 29th of May 2010. Yeobo came a day before to overnite at my place.. We went to watch Shrek 4.. blehh.. the show was so-so nia. They have lost the humour they had before but the cat was still hilarious. His signature move, the innocent puffy eyes.. memang zhadau. That day novia and the gang asked me out last minute and oh well, how can i jsut left her alone? so i turned down novia's invitation with a LIE. oh gawd, i felt so guilty that i needed to lie. Yes, it is true that sometimes u need to lie to avoid some circumstances but u will have to pay for it someday. So try not to LIE, please. So honey called monkey and bao to meet at subang for dinner but we were late cuz.....of something. lolz. So we took them to Jojo's Kitchen which is a nice little cafe which they serve all types of pan mee. Well, i hope they like it. Conversations started a little awkward cuz i don't know if they are angry at us or not. After the meal, we headed back. Suddenly, honey said she wanted to watch movie? So i recommended the Shrek but oh well, it's kinda dissapointing, seriously.

After movies, we headed home. I was grinning like 3 year old kid and i just can't help but to smile widely. Cuz everytime we watch movies, we have to go back to our seperate homes and sometimes, u just feel em seh dak (i forgot what that word in eng) so this time it's different. We go home together. haha. Then yeobo gotta do some editting work upstairs while i offer to make her favourite mashed potatoes in the middle of the nite.. lolz.. even my grandmama got 'no eyes to see me'. Then, we went to bed together. Omg.. so freaking tired but we can't seem to sleep. that so weird, man.. We kept rolling around the bed.. For me, i think the air cond was little too cold for me and my nose is kinda stuffed. I have breathing difficulties since my last sickness. Duno whats wrong with my troat there is always this phelgm that is stuck at my troat every morning. My voice gets so hoarse. Well yeah i know it's kinda sexy sometimes but sometimes i snore and drool when i sleep cuz i start using my mouth to breathe instead of my nose. Well, i'm so embarrassed if she heard me snore lo. T__T I love back hugging her cuz i feel so close to her somehow. hehe. So around 7am i guess it's when the sun is rising.. we started chatting.. lolz.. we were so tired but we were unable to SLEEP. DAMMIT... so we start chatting craps and laughing at stupid jokes. haha. I forgot how i fall asleep. I just knew after all the talking, i fall asleep.. i know she was watching me but i'm not bothered by it. lolz. i guess she gives me a peaceful feeling.

Around 11 or 12, i was forced to wake up but i was damn exhausted. i seriously wanted to sleep like 6 more hours. i was soo slow-minded that i take more time to adjust than my usual routines. Bathe also like tidur inside the shower. Pack also like keep packing the same old stuff. After all the packing and stuff, off we speed to genting as the check in time is around 3pm. We cincai buy McD for breakfast. Oh fark, i rmbed it taste like shit. Urgh.. I think when we are around Gombak area, i stopped by petrol station for gas and honey.... er.... went to toilet to do her VVBI (very very big important business. ROFL! She is gonna kill me when she sees this). Then, off we go up to genting. We stopped by at a nearby temple. neh, that temple lo.. got somemore what temple leh.. haha

Then, another half more way to go.. omg.. i can feel my baby car is trying his best to climb the mountain lo.. it's time to change car.. HAHAHAA! Recently, yeobo and I kinda like the Ford Fiesta. Red Colour, rite? haha.. I think we reached the top about 2 stg? Parking was a problem cuz apparently everyone likes to park at First World? After we parked, we went down to the lobby and i saw so many ..... homosapiens. FUCk.. i thought to myself "when will i get to lay down on the bed?" and i'm pretty sure honey is kinda tired. So after settling everything and get the room key, we went to our room .. First impression was.. omg.. the room looks like a motel-room.. oh mother chut. the toilet seat and shower erea was small like hell. no minibar. some cheap looking tv. horrible windows. but there is only one thing good about this room was the bed. The bed was bigger than a single bed smaller than a queen-size bed lo. something like princess bed i had before. haha. It's comfy. So we rest a little before going out for dinner.

Okay, we were totally late for dinner. It was about 7pm already. i don't know if we have enough time. T__T we were suppose to eat that hotpot buffet geh.. but oh well. the line was so bloody long... so we just cincai eat at some shop. Then, off to arena of stars. Bought the pink glow stick cuz she likes it.

The concert was pure live and it was just so fantastic. I like it so much cuz his voice is just so pleasing in my ears and a real singer & musician does not need like dance performance or any costume change cuz it's just worthless. A real artist would just wow you with only his voice or any insteument he plays. So, Khalil is really different that the others. This concert is only for those who really enjoys his music and not those glamaour clothes or any crystal piano... I wished i had a voice like his, seriously. So smooth and smexy. One thing different is.. his live is way better than his CDs. now can u imagine how perfect was his voice is? haha.. He sings mostly the english cover from his timeless cover.. lolz. honey was expecting him to sing "公园" but.... lolz.. unfortunately, he did not? lolz.. it's so funny to see her angry all of his song selections. There was a lot of jazz jamming in the middle and the end of the song.. oh man.. can u feel the groove, baby.. hoho... It ended about 10.30om? He sang about 2 hours, man.. A very big applause to this man. well, not only singing .. he has to play his instruments too. Did i mention that apart from playing his guitar with his tremendous skills, he plays the grand piano too, drums, keyboards.. play around with a turn table. He is just AWESOME!

After the concert, we went to starbucks to get a drink.. oh, dun mention about the frappucino jor.. then we bought magge mee cups up to our room. Ate it.. and i ate till wanna puke... Honey, help me finish the rest.. She is always finishing my food! LMAO. I kept throwing things on bed. She kept cleaning the place.. lolz.. I feel like a prince.. I remembered i asked one important question but she said that she is not ready yet and i felt so heartbroken cuz.. If after tonite, you can feel how much i felt for you then.. i'm not gonna ask this question again. The question somehow made me so scared that i thought i will never ask again till the 4th of June. ok, back to the situation. So... honey drank a little too much of Barcadi.. and i know she is drunk... =='' I still remember "Tonite is the nite to let it go". hoho..

Have breakfast the next morning at around 8am.. I woke up and wake honey up cuz she slept soundly after.... then off we went down to the first world cafe. I'm so afraid that the breakfast is gonna be LAP SAP cuz she said she came here before and the breakfast was like LAP SAP. i'm so glad i woke up earlier.. so ate a decent meal.. Honey's stomach not really feeling well. i pulak sudah berak and BOOM BOOM POW the nite before. so malu. ahem.. so after breakfast, went back and take a nap a little and check out.. Leaving Genting was so.. sad? I really don't wanna leave this place cuz it's the only place where we can just be ourselves cuz no one here cares or nags or asks you "what time u come back" and blah blah.... lots of freedom. So went back.. Still feel so em seh dak.. we went to IOI to have lunch at "Breeks". Then, off we go back home.. =) It was really tiring but i enjoyed every single moment with you.

2010-05-27T19:29:00.004+01:00

Everything's gone now. The months we have been waiting for.. or should say.. the months i've been waiting for it's all gone now. She will never come with me and i'll be going there alone. I think i will just take rest at genting by myself. I need to get outta here anyway.. haihz.. all the things we have planned, the schedule, things we are gonna bring and do.. all just gone a few minutes ago. everything just.. dissapeared. Nothing to look forward anymore. yes, i'm very dissapointed and so upset with myself that make things ended up like this shit everytime. I have no reasons to ask her come with me. I don't deserve even to call her anymore. I feel like i've hurted enough... i'm felt so painful and sorry for her that she has to think about me. I'm jsut a lucky guy who gets her love and care. I'm sorry God, i couldn't treat her well enough. but still.. Thank You for sending this angel to me.

I love you.

2010-05-22T21:09:00.000+01:00

When I was younger i saw, my daddy cry and curse at the wind. he broke his own heart and i watched as he tried to reassemble it.
And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing o f love if it does not exist.

But darling you are the only exception,
you are the only exception,
you are the only exception,
you are the only exception

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone but keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this,keeping a comfortable distance and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness.
Cause none of it was worth the risk.

Well you are the only exception,
you are the only exception,
you are the only exception,
you are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality,but I can't let go of whats in front of me here.
I know your leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
Whoa,oh,oh

You are the only exception,
You are the only exception,
You are the only exception,
You are the only exception,

You are the only exception,
You are the only exception,
You are the only exception,
You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing,

Oh and I'm on my way to believing...

2010-05-22T20:20:00.003+01:00

First of all, i've noticed it's kinda long since the last update. I seriously wanna write down or take pictures to recall back these memories. I'm sure i wanna have this memories. hmm.. To tell you the truth, i'm afraid that i would start taking you for granted. I made this word with God that i would pray every nite to thank God's gift. Yes, she is gift from God. Jesus, thank you so much. Only You know how much she meant to me.

I came across Paramore's "You are the only exception". It was a very nostalagic song. I don't know how to explain. You know there are just some songs ... u just have this FEEL for the first time you heard it. Reminds me about love. I told myself i would never love someone like that again. She broke my heart. She used me. I was such a fool. i still remember that day i woke up from all my emotional distress and i told myself... I can go on living but don't ever love anyone again. So for this past 3 years, i've been searching high and low for girls but i know i'm not ready for it. Who knows they are just like her? But.... ever since i've found you... You are the only exception.

You are the one that made my heart pound like a steam train. You made me so alive. It's been years since i've felt and i thought my heart had just dissapear into the darkness. You make me wanna love you. You make me wanna protect you. I don't wanna see you hurt at all even a tiny little bit. =D

When i see your face, you know what i see. I see this beautiful lady that looks at me with her warm rounded eyes that tells me "Please, believe me". I want to believe her that she might be the one i'm looking for my whole life. You have the softest and the sweetest smile ever that it melts my heart instantly ....hmm..... your gentle but yet soft touchs. oh.... hmm.... how i long to look at this face. Her chubby with a slight pinkish flush cheeks... so cute.. your scent... hmm... this sweet scent of yours....lastly, your warm gaze that makes me comfortable than ogawa massage chair! lolz. i'm kidding. Your gaze just makes the whole world just dissapear and there is only two of us in this space. i love you, yeobo.

2010-05-10T08:42:00.002+01:00

I don't know what else i should say. I was wrong. I was bad. I was a jerk. There no reasons left for me to defend myself. I din't know there is so many things happen behind the story. I have no idea honestly. It made me realize maybe who knows u actually did more things than i did? I'm so embarrassed and i felt ridiculously stupid. I din't mean what i said and i regreted it now more than ever. I told you i've tried to understand but i couldn't search for the answers. You refused to tell me at first but for now, I understand. I realize i have no rights to be angry at all and i feel so foolishly stupid. It's like putting a blame on someone when something doesn't go your way. I did that to you. I know you're very dissapointed in me. You might hate me so much right now and i'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't even have to guts to face you but i wanna see you so badly.

2010-05-09T11:16:00.002+01:00

I guess all i need is a sincere "sorry". I'm gonna throw all my frustrations tonight and bring home with an empty tank. Baby G, give me a call if u feel like talking to me again.

2010-05-09T10:35:00.003+01:00

You know what? I think u're getting too comfortable for how we are now. How am i suppose to know if u're just like HER again. Holding me here and in the end u let me go. I remember the days u hang out with ur ex's friends and i think what's wrong mine now? Did i ever ask u to do anything for me? Did u ever did anything for me? I'm starting to feel this relationship is taking me nowhere. Is it a really tat big problem for u to mix with my friends? All i want to do is to hope my friends know more about you. To make u feel better, do u know that i can't see them anymore after July? Who knows i won't see them again forever?

For gawd sake, it's just a pasar malam. I know we aren't anyone and that's why i feel u shouldn't be thinking what they feel about you. I know my friends are gonna like you if u jsut be urself. Do u think it's really that comfortable for me when i go to a place and about 10% people only i know. I don't understand what is u guys talking about.. i have to act like i understand and put a fake laugh. I don't mind doing this cuz i'm doing it for you. What about you? Is there anything you did that is worth defending urself now?

It hurts me so much that i feel my efforts are wasted just like that.
It hurts me so much that i did more than you, i dare say.
It hurts me so much that maybe i can't change you after all.
It hurts me so much that maybe you don't love me at all.

2010-04-27T16:39:00.003+01:00

I wanna tell God if she would die, i would die along too.
I wanna tell the whole universe how much we are meant to be together.
I wanna tell the whole world how much you meant to me.
I wanna tell my parents that i wanna marry her.
I wanna tell my friends that she is my girl.
I wanna tell her how much i love and wanted to be with her.

Deng... gau dim the lowest first before the rest la.. haha.. dream too much

2010-04-21T15:53:00.006+01:00

Had a nice date with her last monday. She called me in the afternoon while i was sleeping. She doesnt really have the mood to do her assingment after all the crying and stuff. Hmm. i was so worried about her, man. My eyes was so damn swollen like qu thau peng. I was so happy that she is coming to find me. Well, actually we were suppose not to meet. But oh well, i missed her a lot. With that thing happen the day before, I really wanted to see and tell her how much i love her and how important she is in my life.

We went to Taylor's library! lolz. Finally, one of my wishes come true. Ever wonder if she was my classmate and we are studying at the same college? haha. So we went to library's 4th floor and sat there. I was doing my ala carte menu assingment while she is doing hers and browsing the web too. For the first time with someone else by my side, i was actually doing SOMETHING focusly on my assingment. Usually, i couldn't concentrate and i would ended up doing other stuff. While i was typing, i would sometimes glance at her. Ahh~ Her eyes are so swollen. Lack of sleep somemore. Lips are dry and cracking a lil. Hmm. It must have been pretty tired for her last nite, i thought. I was practically so worried about her. haiz. If only she doesn't think too much and believe in herself. I love her the way she is now and i don't want anything to change her. I always think i have done not enough for her but suprisingly, she feels the same too. hmm. We are just so similar. The way we think, the way we feel, the way we talk.... haha.. i'm beginning to think we are meant for each other, i guess? haha

Since we can't do anything in library, i can only watch her with my swollen eyes. haha.. she is taking pictures of 'bit bit'. Really cute rabbit but errr.. gender unknown cuz she said she is a girl who looks like a boy but looks like a girl. i have no idea what is she talking about. haha. She was taking too much of bit bit pic till i kinda dulan her/him. lmao.

Then off we went to Subang SS15. Parked and sleep in the car for about an hour. Then, went to Jojo's Kitchen to eat pan mee. wuhoo.. sedap babi gila... hers was OMPH! full of flavours and spicy. For the first time, we ate something delicious together. Normally, we have this bad luck for food when we are together.. so it was so weird that day. After that, off we went to the park. Since, we don't want to spend money so there it is.. we went to park. That silly girl cried again cuz i said something dumb again. I was seriously trying to avoid the fact that u are gonna be most important person in my life. I'm afraid of putting all my hopes and dreams to anyone again. I don't want to believe in 'forever' anymore. I'm afraid to be dissapointed. I'm afraid to be hurt. I'm afraid to be betrayed. God knows how much i can't take the pain anymore.

Yuenz, you prove me wrong. You make me want to believe in you. You make me feel there is still a small chances of 'forever' in this world. You make me feel like a SOMEBODY when all the time, i knew i was just NOBODY. Nothing special just some ordinary dude. I'm so glad that i've found you. You've been my good friend since 2007 and now, i love you as in i really love you and not a friend-love-thing. haha.

You know i don't want anyone else. I don't wanna wait till the end and to find out you are not the one i'm looking for my whole life. I can't accept the fact that you are not the ONE. I'm tired of searching high and low for this ONE. And now, I only want you to be my ONE.

Impossible, but i love you.

2010-04-15T16:20:00.002+01:00

I've never been like this before. You're the reason why i've changed. I realized i've done things that i've never imagined i would do that. I sang to you. It's my first time i sang a whole song to someone. First time opening that car door for someone. Saying "I love you" like i really mean it. I'm not usually that kind of person who express my feelings freely. Back then, when i was with ex, she knows clearly well that i dun really express much eventhough when we are face-to-face. Besides, i've never felt so scared to lose someone so much that i dun even dare to think about it. You are my best friend and also my lover. It's two in one. It's just heartbreaking to lose like 2 persons most important in your life. You know i need you to walk with me this journey. It doesn't matter if you're my friend or a love, i just want YOU to be part of my life till death take me away.

When i was kissing you, something went across my mind last nite. "What if i will never ever feel this soft lips again?". I started to freak out. You know that i will never want you to cry again. Never. I want you to keep smilling and laugh freely whenever you like when you're with me. I want to be the one that makes you the happiest woman in the world. Do you know what i'm trying to say?

When i look into ur eyes, I realized how beautiful you are. For that moment, you look the prettiest thing in the whole wide world. I can't seem to get that picture outta of my mind. I've been constantly thinking about that for the whole day today. I miss you so darn much, u know? i wanna caress your face and feel ur lips on mine. awhhh. imaginations are killing me.

2010-04-15T15:29:00.006+01:00

It's been a while since i've updated much what i've been doing these days. Nothing much. Holidays started but it only last for a week. how sad. Been experimenting a lot of recipes alone. Wanna make caramelized banana later for fun. hehe. This is the chicken parmesan breasts with stipped streaky bacon i made the other day. Btw, who needs catering service please feel free to call me!! believe me i can cook this for 100 pax if u want? haha

Notice that the parmesan are overflowing at the sides of the chicken. =X

Up close at the bacon. I know i put a little too much of rosemary but i love the smell of the herbs so much la !

Aww.. they don't they look cute getting cooked inside my oven? XD

The results. It is absolutely delicious, i tell you.

2010-04-13T07:30:00.003+01:00

How am i suppose to prove my love for you? Yesterday was just disasterous. Maybe it was the our seating area? or was it just our minds? I felt insecure. hmm.

I don't know.
I think (maybe?) you're the One that i have been looking for all of my life.
impossible? well, anything is possible now.

2010-04-13T07:29:00.000+01:00

Sometimes i just can't stand you. Stop pretending, ok?

2010-04-11T08:05:00.001+01:00

[Chorus]
zhi you wo le jie zhe xing fu gan jue
只有我了解这幸福感觉
Only I understand this blissful feeling

mei de zhi de qu fu chu yi qie
美得值得去付出一切
Beautiful enough for me to pour out my all

neng gou yu jian ni ren shi ni xi huan ni ai shang ni
能够遇见你认识你喜欢你爱上你
To be able to meet you, know you, like you, love you

gan xie wo mei di yan lei
感谢我每滴眼泪
I'm thankful for every tear I shed

zhi you ni ming bai wo you duo zhen gui
只有你明白我有多珍贵
Only you understand how precious I am

hao de zhi de ni wei wo gai bian
好得值得你为我改变
That you would change for me

qing ni ji xu wen rou jiao huan wo can lan xiao rong yi tian yi tian
请你继续温柔交换我灿烂笑容一天一天
Please continue exchanging my bright smiles with tenderness, day by day

dao yong yuan na yi tian
到永远那一天
Till that day in eternity

I hope you would sing to me with these lyrics. hehe

2010-03-29T04:40:00.002+01:00

I understand very well that you need time and i do not blame you. Cuz i take time to recover from my pain and it makes me believe in love again. I hope you take ur time to heal urself cuz i know how deeply you were hurt. It is not fair to you if i would ask you to be with me when you are not ready. I rmb gramps said i have to go out there and express my feelings if i loved someone or i might missed out my chance. I know. I have never really did anything much to 'chase' someone before so this is practically kinda new to me again after the 3 1/2 year bachelor years. haha. I wanna show her how should a lady be treated. Little things like holding the door handle for her, opening car doors, pulls her chair and lets her be seated first, giving her a hand when we cross water drains, taking off my jacket to cover her from the rain.. and stuff like that. What a chessy gentleman. hahaha.

You know, there is just so much questions that i wanted the answers. But, i know my questions will only be answered through time. I'm also afraid like how you're feeling too but ... it's okay.. i will wait for you. I will wait for the day you are gonna believe in love again and of course, believe in me not him or her. Damn... feel like hugging you right now. It's heartbreaking to see you cry everytime. Cuz i just want you to be happy from the very start. i want to see u smiling or laughing everytime. Cuz you look the preetiest when you do that. lol. *bulu roma dancing wildly*

Ps: ily & imy <3

2010-03-29T04:32:00.002+01:00

Nothin' On You - B.O.B feat Bruno Mars

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
I know you feel where i'm coming from
Regardless of the things in my past that i've done
Most of really was for the hell of the fun
On the carousel so around I spun (spun)
With no directions just tryna get some (some)
Tryna chase skirts, living in the summer sun (sun)
This is how I lost more than I had ever won
And honestly I ended up with none

There's no much nonsense
It's on my conscience
I'm thinking baby I should get it out
And I don't wanna sound redundant
But I was wondering if there was something that you wanna know
(that you wanna know)
But never mind that we should let it go (we should let it go)
Cos we don't wanna be a t.v episode (t.v episode)
And all the bad thoughts just let them go (go, go, go)

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
Hands down there will never be another one
I been around and I never seen another one
Look at your style they ain't really got nothing on
And you out and you ain't got nothing on
Baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes
And you keep it real while them other stay plastic
You're my wonder women call me mr. fantastic
Stop.. now think about it

I've been to london, i've been to paris
Even went out there to tokyo
Back home down in georgia to new orleans
But you always still to show (still to show)
And just like that girl you got me fro (got me fro)
Like a nintendo 64 (64)
If you never knew well now you know (know, know, know)

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
Everywhere I go i'm always hearing your name (name, name)
And no matter where i'm at girl you make me wanna sing (sing)
Weather a bus or a plane or a car or a train
No other girls in my brain and you the one to blame

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
Yeah and that's just how we do it
And i'ma let this ride
B O B and bruno mars

2010-03-22T09:01:00.004Z

There are still some things i wanted to change inside of me. The way i feel, the way react to things. I wished i could control my emotions. Cuz i'm a person who just hates to be dissapointed. For example, mama bear said he would take baby bear to the park later but it turns out suddenly mama bear doesn't seem to be exicited as baby bear was. You know that kind of feeling when u're mam promises that she would take u to somewhere and ended up not going there cuz she was busy with her work? Well, similar to that. i am the baby bear and she is the mama bear. As a kid , i always hated my dad & mom when they promises to take me somewhere and ended up cancelling the plan due to work and stuff. Well, now i know how hard it is for someone to reject to the person the loved when there are far more important things that just about urself. I understand but if only mama bear tells me earlier about her reasons.. =)

I realized i've really changed somehow despite i still cannot change the way i feel but at least.... at least, i know how to control my emotions very well? haha. if i was before..... i would burn someone's house already or punch any random person at home. XD

Ps: Must have been hard for u too. I felt gulity. I'm sorry, yeobo.

2010-03-16T12:45:00.007Z

Today, i wanna blog about my yeobo. Yeobo in korean simply means honey. Yes, my lovely sweet honey.. (wah diu.... yuk ma babi gila) I wanna thank her for coming down to Puchong and one to SS15. Thank you for caring me and making sure i'm not too tired. Thank you for asking me to sleep early and asking me to go classes. Thank you for thinking my side and i felt sorry sometimes cuz i know u're tired also but u'd still come. Once i meet you, my energy level was like fully charged. It doesn't matter if i've slept 3-4 hours a day, it doesn't matter i have a dinner service or kitchen practical the day before, all i need is YOU. Yes and you ALONE. That's already more than enough for me to go through this bloody college life. You know, i'm just not that kind of guy that express a lot when we're together. All i have is the courage to blog nia... hahahhaaa..

I know she's also tired and i feel like i wanna do something for her too. She is restricting me from 'chan'-ing to her bukit segar. haihzzzz.. so sad. duno she actually busy or.... hmm.. Just wanna look for her since i'm not that busy this week. Hope she finished her assingment earlier. At least, i fong sam a little. Afraid that i might disturb her.

I wanna massage her back and neck when she's tired. I wanna be her oioi so she can find something to hug and sleep. I wanna be her pillow where she can find a place to rest her head on. I wanna be the her personal private chef so that i can cook healthy meals for her since she skips breakfast. I wanna be her tissue paper when she cries. So much things i wanna be. haha

2010-03-15T09:06:00.006Z

What have i been up to this few weeks? hoho.. damn busy lo.. first was my VIP serving which is on the 11th and i have my 'Royal Flush' event on the 13th. Service on 13th was so damn stressful cuz datuks and the owner's son of taylors came for dinner. wah kao. Hadi was too tall that his head knocked the lights and it broke into pieces.. chau jibai scary, man... thank God datuks and datins are ok... Mr.Patrick said our serivce was wonderful wor.... =='' that is jsut so weird of him. i still rmb the 2 weeks before, he diau us gau gau and now compliment? oh, i can't take this.

No one really understand what back of the house really means. It's really havoc! I was in kitchen team for my own event.. hoho.. check out the menu.

Once in the blue moon, i felt the adrenaline rush in my head but i was really fun! hoho.. working under pressure and stress... I was in the smoked duck team.. hoho.. the duck was fcuking beautiful masterpiece. taste simply fabulous. haha. We work really hard. Enjoyed the taste of sucess together. It was really an experience for me. We work as hard as the restaurant team too. This time i decide to choose kitchen cuz i really like kitchen and... i felt like i don't need to follow my girls all the time. Thank God i made the right choice. no regrets although some people complained the pasta was a lil too spicy though.. XD I seriously can't get enough of them. Just can't imagine the day we graduate do we still remember all these memories? hmm

Just some random pictures i took for the past 7 weeks in kitchen practicals.

2010-03-08T16:12:00.003Z

Song of the Day - The Way You Look Tonight

Some day, when I´m awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight

You´re lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
And the way you look tonight

With each word your tenderness grows
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
It touches my foolish heart

Lovely, never ever change
Keep that breathless charm
Won´t you please arrange it?
´Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight

With each word your tenderness grows
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
It touches my foolish heart

Lovely, don´t you ever change
Keep that breathless charm
Won´t you please arrange it?
´Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.

Well, i like Michael Buble's version more. Just a song that got me thinking about you.

2010-03-07T17:00:00.006Z

Nothing is impossible. I seriously believe it now. Wished i could stop the time. It feels so long ago since i last see you when the reality is that i was with her at wong kok about 3 hours ago. Zouk zouk zouk.. duno wanna hate or love that place.

Skip all the mess. Just know that i send her off to zouk with my own hands and people took advantage of her. Aish. I seriously felt so damn geram.. I should have went in with her. When i went out with jibai liu, my head jsut filled with like a thousand of thoughts and worries about her. I really don't want anyone to take advantage of her. She is that kind of person who is practically very naive and innocent. Oh well... watever... as long as she's happy. Trying hard to push aside that i was really against of her going clubbing that day but i ended up saying things that are opposite from how i felt. swt. oh well, so i ended up drinking beer when i am so full.... me n jibai lou left at 2.30 am and off i go to get her. For the whole 2 1/2 hours, she din't bother to tell me what she is doing there. ok, jibai liu told me not to bother so much and i think so too. Fucking KL jam like shit.. when its 3am.. diu.. mahai... and i peed at some highway cuz my stomach was really loaded with beer + watermelon juice. Smoked like mad in my car... and yes, i don't do that often but i was really all stressed up.

Reached Zouk at 3stg. Saw some guy lead her to my car. Hmm. Got me a little thinking. She sat in my car and she looked a little dizzy. Wonder did she drink that much? hmm.. Drove off like mad person... and i dun feel like speaking but my tone was alright. She was waiting for me to say stg. I know i'm quiet that time but it's nothing. While, she was asking me why am i not talking to her... I thought to myself... how nice if she can keep continue to be gentle and soft with me all the time. I'm afraid of how she treats her ex and got me a little worried. I never ever want our relationship to be like how mine and her relationship. It was a little too serious for me and i don't like that. I wonder will she ever get bored of me one day? Will we still be as fun and outgoing like right now? Will we ever fight or argue till we never ever talk back? I was really so afraid to the max. I felt like... "Can you stop treating me that good?" I was afraid i would lose u in the future. From what i feel, the feelings is getting deeper and i know it.

When i came back to my house, it feels so different... it feels like it's been weeks since i've stepped into my own house. When i get back to my room, everything feels so dull. It looks like as though it's missing something very important inside the room. I can't seem to forget yesterday and the day before. Scenes like when we kissed, it feels so hard to believe this lips is my good friend. The part u washes my face, when i was lying on ur lap and watching L word together while having McD for lunch, the part i hug you tightly when u're crying, the part when we are playing nurse & doctor, the part when i look into her eyes and i realize "how can i not notice this girl before?"..... hmm.. complicated feelings...

She is the most understanding person that i've ever met. I feel the most comfortable when i'm with her. I like to make her laugh. I want to keep that smile on her face all the time. I love it when she does small little things that mean so much to me. (washing my face, wipes my mouth, fix my hair...etc) She looks pretty hot to me sometimes... ==''' ok, i know it's weird for me to say this. i have fetish for smooth and soft skin... and plus, i like girls who have long legs when the're wearing shorts. I love to talk to her. She likes to give me poison and medicine all the time. I hate it when some guy is close to her. She has this best lips to kissed with. She has this nice fingers. She has this weird luck with nice-looking-clothes but with a super cheap price. I hate it when she cries for people who hurts her and it feels like her tears flown down her cheeks are the last drops of water in this whole planet. Her tears are precious to me that i can't afford to see her crying for me. I love to hug her back and smell her dkny. lolz. I love each and every part of her somehow. I just know i want this feeling to last for a very very long time.

It was really hard to stop kissing once our lips met. no, i'm not exaggerating! (maybe the reason is that i 3 1/2 years never pak toh) It feels like i'm gonna be lost in her mouth forever. I seriously never kiss someone that passionate before. Plus, i was tired that time... imagine i would kiss her after my 8-hours sleep... one word. she will DIE. lolz... too fierce kiss till she died. There are just so many first times that 2 days in her house. First time, i fell aslept on someone's lap that long (this literally means i was so comfortable), want her so much that night, kissed someone that much but still want more, feel wanna protect someone so much that she doesn't need to know, and felt like i can't afford to lose this someone so much that i'm so afraid to be together with her.

2010-03-04T17:38:00.003Z

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!! duno too happy or what.........i cant believe i jsut ........................ her............ i dun even know why i did........... omfggggggggggggg... im crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... why does ur lips have to be so.............. attracting and soft.. and moist.. and such..... omfgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

2010-03-01T10:51:00.002Z

BLOGGIE TIMEEE! lolz... I went with her to genting last saturday. It was preety weird cuz it was just last minute planning. Silly her for thinking so much what to bring. haha. apa.. magge mee, eggs, hot dogs.... she wants to.. er... cook it with the water heater... and i then suggest her to pour at the sink so we can eat like steamboat style.. lolz.. i guess only she knows what im talking about. We were suppose to stay over there but oh well.. due to last minute planning and that because of that chap goh meh, we couldn't find a room. T_T sadness...

So as usual, i am ALWAYS early this few days... She was wearing black. I thought to myself "CHEH! follow me..." cuz i remembered i told her im just gonna wear all black tmr. hehe.. Off we speed to genting... LOLZ at the part when i purposely spit out kikapo for her to wipe. hahaha.. i dont know why i did that. i just did it. haha. My baby stupid car was kinda cham.. cuz she gotta chan till kept sweating.. i have to keep wiping my windscreen. haha..

Reached there, the first thing we wanna do is................................ GET A CIGARETTE! hahahahahaa.. lolz.. we are searching all over the place like desperate animals. So we finally came to a place beside Old Town and bought 2 cigarette boxes and at lunch there. Some people ass is just glued to the chair that she doesn't wanna leave that place. Then we went gai gai and played indoor park. The rest is just purely in my head. Yes, i dont wana share it out.. =X hahaha.. But it's been so long time since i've every go out with someone i like just only me n her. It feels like i'm so far away from KL. Far a way from all the distress.

We made a promise. Ok, this would be the one and only promise i will do it for you. We promised that we will come back to each other as close friends again no matter what happens in the future. Yes, there is gonna be a seperation period but i will come back. oh man.. stop this.. what am i talking about? I'm really really afraid that we would be seperated. I don't wanna lose her. Never. She is just so important to me that i would think twice or maybe more times whether i would wanna rish our friendship and continue on like this. I had already made my decision and that is ... I would take the risk. No worries, just let the flow take us to a place where we would be. I don't believe in 'forever' but i hope we could last as long as we can.. =) I don't want to miss the chance again. I won't let go ur hand again.

While i was hugging her, i felt a warmth feeling from her chest that tells me to protect it. It tells me that i have to protect her at all cost. I wanna keep this fire lit and kept burning inside her heart. I wanna give her inspiration, love, and peace. I wanna let her know there is this silly but passionate guy in this cold world. Yes, in people's eye she might seem tough.. but to me, she is just a girl who justs need someone to share her burden and fears.

I'm glad she hugs me. Yes, i may feel like kid but i was really happy inside. Just pure joy and happiness like a kid. I had never really hug someone that is soft? =='' why are u like soft and smooth? ARE U A TAUFU, SERIOUSLY?! lolz... Plus, she was so adorable in her dream land. U know there are some movies you see... when she is asleep, the guy would gently pushed her hair to the back of ears and realize she is the prettiest thing alive. lolz thats exactly how i felt! serious! no kidding! And her bloody face was so smooth! wtf? smoother than mine somore.. what in the world is she... I like the way she cleans me up me and just touches my face. hahaha... i have a smooth skin fetish on people.. kekeke..

Ps: No more questions, no more answers. Just us and the world out there. I miss you =)

2010-02-26T08:19:00.004Z

I'm glad i have one day off today. Pretty exhausted but really wanna go out cuz im bored. First of all, i never really imagined you would feel the same way for me. Just thought you might just have a little 'feel' or just interested in me.. that's all. Cuz i really don't ask anything more than that and now you tell me you like me too.. It's something i would really wanna thank God for that cuz.. I told God.. if I would be together with someone, pls make it worth it. Frankly, I think she worths every single sacrifice i'm gonna make in the future. I don't know what sacrifices i would make, but i know it's not that easy. Do you how does it feel like u're gonna somehow lose that person you cared the most in future but you're feeling it now. It's practically so complicated and that's what i can describe it.ahhh skip this.... Plus, i'm not that kind of person who promises blankly to ppl. I don't wanna make a promise that i'm afraid i can't do it.

I'm scared i would fall her deeply cuz i know i can't face the pain of losing her. For now, it is just so-so but i know it gets deeper each minute, each second. I'll be honest with you, i'm very very extremely jealous when you talks about that asshole..There is that part u telling me that you both had ur first kiss and kissed her first cuz she was crying...... OH DAMN.. I'm so damn dulan again... aishhhhhhhhhh..... ishhhhhhhhhhhh.... Thank God, i'm not so angry till i would hurt people/myself that kind of angry. lolz... Cuz i know she purposely said that to provoke me.. keke.

What was most shocking is.. i never hold someone's hand that long before. It's just plainly the hands... Cuz Godknowshowmuchmyhandsweats. For that moment, i just told her "If I hold ur hand, i won't let go of you anymore". Swt.. and she straights away hold it... lol.. Inside my heart is jumping like mad kid but outside i have to act like a wood. ==''' She has way too soft fingers...! I was going a little mad like a beast when she starts playing around my fingers.. lolz.. i'm a sensitive guy, am i? ==''' But one thing that was so clear in my head was........."Man, these are those hands i really long for and it-makes-me-wanna-take-care-of-her-forever-and-never-let-go-that-type-of-hands." lolz.. point is she makes me crazy no matter what she do.

Lolz.. i can't believe i just googled the meaning of different types of kisses... hoho... hmm.. Kiss on the hand. It simply means i adore you. lolz. interesting... I don't know why i wanna say this but.. i'm glad i gave a kiss on her hand.. for me... it's a sign of that i wanna just wanna be with you wherever you are.

Ps: There is one day, i imagined you drying up my hair with a towel after i'm done with the showers. It's really cute, ya know... hahahaaaaa.. don't know why i wrote this.. so random...

2010-02-25T18:23:00.002Z

Have you ever heard like "We can't be together cuz we really like each other?"
Never in my life i'm so worried that i would somehow lose her in the end.
What if we can't be friends anymore? This is such a weird situation.
I seriously don't know what to do.
Don't wanna fall in deeper cuz i know we would be together then...
but the point is... we can't...
shit, this is getting so confusing.

2010-02-24T16:21:00.003Z

FCUK WHERE THE HELL IS SHE??! WHY ARENT YOU PICKING UP MY PHONE AND WHATS WITH THIS WEIRD FEELING THAT I THINK THAT SHE IS THERE WITH YOU?! FUCK LAAAAAAAAAAa ... IM SO FUCKING WOORIED SICK LIKE MAJIBAI ????????????PLS TELL ME U're OKAY. omgggggggggggggggggggggggggg..... worried like dogjibaishitt........... duno why i am blogging.... andddd u're not picking up... 5 more mins if u not picking up and im gonna drive like mad ppl to cheras!

2010-02-24T13:08:00.004Z

Baby by Justin Bieber

[Justin Bieber]
You know you love me, I know you care,
just shout whenever and I’ll be there.
You are my love, you are my heart
and we will never ever ever be apart.
Are we an item? girl quit playing,
we’re just friends, what are you saying.
Said there’s another, look right in my eyes,
my first love broke my heart for the first time.
And I was like…

[Chorus]
Baby, baby, baby oooooh,
like baby, baby, baby noooooooo,
like baby, baby, baby, ooooh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine (repeat)

[Justin Beiber]
Oh, for you I would have done whatever,
and I just can’t believe we aint together
and I wanna play it cool but i'm losing you
I buy you anything, I buy you any ring,
and now please say baby fix me and you shake me til’ you wake me from this bad dream.
I’m going down down down down
and I just can’t believe my first love won’t be around.
And I’m like…

[Chorus]

[Ludacris]
Luda, When I was 13 I had my first love,
there was nobody that compared to my baby
and nobody came between us, no-one could ever come above
She had me going crazy, oh I was star-struck,
she woke me up daily, don’t need no Starbucks.

She made my heart pound, I skip a beat when I see her in the street and
at school on the playground but I really wanna see her on the weekend.
She knows she got me dazing cause she was so amazing
and now my heart is breaking but I just keep on saying….

[Chorus]

Now I’m gone,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
now I’m all gone.
Gone, gone, gone, gone, I’m gone.

2010-02-23T11:06:00.003Z

Ok, i started this game that we are not suppose to contact each other till someone gives up and call the other. I seriously don't know what would this game ended up like how.. I would say this is a test. I have to figure out my feelings through. This is seriously on God's hand now. I really hope i win cuz this shows that she misses me a lot and i NEED to know that. I need something that would tells me to go on with her since she din't really much express her feelings to me. I'm actually very scared that she might just loose feelings on me or.. maybe someone just took her away just like that. As how much i am so enthusiastic about my 'victory reward' but i'm seriously scared.. but i guess we need to test how far and long this relationship can go. Man, i pray this game would just end in 1 week or i will have to start talking and treating every animals like her. Imagine i would kept talking about love to a tortoise. omfg...

Btw, its not fair cuz she could read my blog and know what is going on but i don't know where to look for her.

2010-02-22T18:46:00.002Z

I really don't hope that you would force urself to like me. I don't force myself too. I just want to enjoy every moment with ya. I wanted to test out our feelings but i'm not confident yet. I don't know am i wooing her or what.... man, im so confuse. I feel my heartbeats. What about you? Did you? Or it was just nothing? Hmm... Dammit, i swear if i'm not at 'Dolphin', i would seriously lift up her chin and kiss her when she leaning on me.. ahhh, dammit.... the beast inside of me............ damn..

Ps: why does ur hand have to be so smooth??? im going crazieeeee...

2010-02-22T08:49:00.004Z

I don't know whether what i felt for is love or friendship (which you still doubt about it). What i know is :

I don't want you to cry anymore.
I want you to be happy no matter wherever and whenever you are.
I want you to share your burden with me. Doesn't matter whether its about college stuff, family, friends, anytg.
I wanna be the first and always the person you can trust on.
I wanna be the one and only person you can always count on and lay your shoulder when you're lonely.
I want to protect you. It makes me wanna try the best i could.
I enjoy your company. why? cuz I just love to talk to you about everything.
I know i can't replace her but i hope i can fill up your empty holes with my love.
You make my heart pound like mad and it makes me feel so alive.
I can picture your hands on mine.

I will be honest to you. I am not a great or like any other guys out there. I'm just a simple kid. Yes, I admit i'm still a kid in a lot of ways. I realized i just don't wanna be too ego on being like a man.

I know right now you gave me a choice whether i should stay or give up just like that. If you think you can picture us together, it's already enough. Eventhough, you have asked me to leave me cuz you are afraid you might hurt me but... i've decided.... i've decided I will go through it all with you. Each and every step you take cuz i felt maybe a part of you wanted me to stay... maybe? i dont know.... hmm..... I'll try to make all your nightmares disapear. Do you want me to stay?

2010-02-21T15:14:00.003Z

Take Your Sweet Time by Jesse Mccartney

It isn't a crime to want
A little space to breathe
But you will be fine,
The sun again will shine on you
Whatever you do

(Chorus)
Take your sweet,sweet time
Cuz I'll be here, when you change your mind
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here for you baby
Anytime

I'm feeling you pull away
'Cause letting go isn't easy for me
But you'll never fly
With someone else's wings,I know
Wherever you go

(Chorus)
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here, when you change your mind
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here for you baby
Anytime

I will never stand in your way
Wherever your heart may lead you
I will love you the same
And I will be your comfort everyday
Do you hear the words I say?

(Chorus)
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here when you change your mind
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here for you baby
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here when you change your mind
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here for you baby
Anytime

Oh, I'll be here, for you
I will be here
I'll be here
I will be here

Ps: Do you hear the words i say ?

2010-02-21T05:41:00.005Z

I thought i wanted to blog yesterday when my head is still fresh but i was still so high that i slept at 5.30 am....lolz...*deep breath*. First thing that was so crazy is that i cut my hair in some stupid saloon that costs me rm38 when i can a haircut at my usual saloon for rm25 but unfortunately it's closed till monday... For a second, i thought i was really crazy..... my hair is like kinda bald.. and thats sad.. hou sam, cut till like taeyang oso nvm la.. but cut till so short about 4cm nia.. choi.... ok, forget it... i will never come that place again..

Rewind back a lil when i took granny to novia's hse... lolz.. cuz granny wanted to see her worrr... so we hang around and hear some indo songs? ==''' but ended up doing nothing.. i was walking around in circles thinking about her... kept smoking cuz i got a little stressed up. i can't concentrate on my assingment left them the one doing the work. I'm so sorry to them. I just know i'm going crazy when suddenly they said "aish... let michelle print first on monday only can do the slides" and i was like "whuttt??" ... Oh yesh, it means we don't need to finish it today!! hohohoohohoh... so gramps suggest we shud go for movies and called 'jibai anabell' to join. I thought for awhile and i suggest them to go pavilion. hahaha.. why? you will know why soon.

So we go and get anabell after leaving novia's hse. Went back and change and went for the bloody haircut thing. Feeling a little high cuz of the bloody new haircut and i know i look stupid!! oh well, just go with the flow.... Drove to pavilion, gramps show me a new road to there and i love the road but i forgot how to go there d =='''. Gramps the driving master and liu yen the manual master kept lecturing me.. T_T Well, i just got a sudden feeling wanna fly to KL asap. So when we reached Lot 10, i suddenly thought of the parking place i went with her so we parked there. While i was turning in, gramps suddenly said "EH!!! THAT SAGA LOOKS SO FAMILIAR!!! The plat number is 57**.. leh!!!" and i was like "OI?! U SURE ANOT? OMG!!!" since they never seem to come out of the car, we hesitate and thought of reversing but ended up straight away chan to the next 2 cars after them. LOLZ... damn freaking scary and funny at the same time, man. I just never thought we would come at the same time that is so soh hai, man.... So we just hide inside the car while i look at them from the mirror reflection. Waited like 5-10mins and gramps said "omg, why so long geh? gau yeh inside izit?" and i was like "damn!!" and i was getting a little crazy with the adrenaline rush inside my blood. so nervous yet so exiciting!! lolz... suddenly, they came out and i was like "oh shittyyy!" then they walked to cross the street and i saw that asshole was tryna hold her hand and i was like screaming like some mad cat inside the car... lolz...kept pulling my hair.. damn....

So we went to meet gramps fren and waited for gramps guy fren to call so that we can join them go clubbing... So while waiting, we went drinking lo... kept soh hai around there. My head was filled with the thoughts of her. What they they do in the cinema, i wonder. Will that asshole put her arms around her? Will that asshole suddenly hold her hands?! Will that asshole suddenly pok moong and kiss her??!!!! holly shittttttttttt.. im getting crazier each second... kept drinking... another part in my head kept telling me "don't think about her, don't think about her............" but i want to se her! Waited time to pass, kept looking at the time on my Nicole7. hmm... 9.30.......... 9.50............. 10............. 10.16.......... 10.39 wah kaooo!! how long i have to keep waiting..................... while gramps and jibai liu kept calling ppl out to go clubbing... then waited until she replies, i quickly went out and find her but duno why she kap my phone. Almost ran out like soh zhai but my head a bit dizzy.... walk back and forth around coffee bean but can't see her. "SHIT SHIT SHIT...where the hell is she??" and then she told me she was at the stairs back there. So i walked there.. saw that asshole with her sitting at stair smoking. *deep sighs* what should i say?

Then, that asshole went to toilet so ... i decided to sat beside her. gawd knows how fast my heart beats. soooo nervous.. that time jibai liu was with me and i gave her the signal to go back cuz i wanna sit privately with her. ohhh gawd.. oh gawddddd... what should i say.... after she told me that that asshole left her dress that she just bought at the popcorn counter, i suddenly said "Aiya, i buy for you.. don't go with that loser, k?" opps. i just blurted out.... as she continue with that jackass stories on how she left it at the counter, got that urge to tell her d.. and i was like.. woah.. calm down.... calm down.... then.. we kept quiet.... only the sound of my heart pounding is heard... so i told her... "what if.....just what if... if la....*take a deep smoke* .........er....ermm......*scratches head* i like you, what would you do?" OH MAN, i can feel the whole place just stops moving.... omg omg omg... har har har.... "er.. huh? are u serious?" she said and i said "what if ma......" then she said "i...i...i... never thought of it ? its impossible". Then i said "So am i....." Well, the rest of the conversation is PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.. muahahhaa i just know i was so nervous and shy that i do not even dare to look at her one glance also. She kepts telling to sit beside her but as talk i move one step down the stair each minute... lolz... and she was sitting a little bit too close to a beast like me. You know sometimes, i just can't control myself....I might just.. justtt ... justtttt.... just kiss her violently like a beast. ==''' omg, i can't believe i just wrote that....

PS: I will buy you back that dress that jerk lost it. I will give you everything back that she took it from you.

2010-02-18T18:50:00.007Z

I'm having a pretty heavy headache right now but i just need to blog. I gotta let this off my chest. Drove for like 140km/h back. I know it's not anything to boast about but.. well, it's pretty fast for me. XD (ima good kid, ain't i?). Blasting my speakers with Tae Yang's "Only Look At Me" and got me think a little of stuff. Yes, i want you to only look at me and no one else. Crap, my head feels like someone just hit me with a hammer. Must be the medication + alcohol + over-excess smoke flowing in my blood. =='' I shudn't have smoke and drank too much.

Btw, i felt a little stupid and confused right now. I don't know since when did i started to felt like this. You know this loneliness that starts to eat up everything of you. I figured i might have been a little too stressed out about my resposibilities. I'm like a good kid. I can't just drop my responsibilites just like that and not thinking about the consequences. I can't just be like some people who just gets drunk and just do watever they want after the next second. I can't do it. I seriously can't do it. If there is still 1% of me is still conscious and awake it simply means the other 99% is the chances i won't do something irresponsible. But for tonight i just wanna be free from all these weight. Wanna get drunk and never need to think about my drink & drive thing. Too bad the house i went tonight only had a couple of beers. After a couple of beers, we went out and sat at the side of the drain. ok, i know we are pretty pathetic but i just wanna smoke and get some air. I was testing myself and trying very hard to ignore all the signs. Wonder why was i so afraid of. There is this strange feeling tingling inside my heart. Maybe i was a little dizzy or the alcohol starts to take effect? idontknow. i dontknow. Another part of me was thinking about the consequences. Another part of me tells me that i should just sit there and act stupid. Another part of me wants to do something that i would never expect i would do. Another part of me..........(edited_by_author)

Ps: People say your heartbeat does not lie.

2010-02-17T08:25:00.003Z

Another wonderful from tvxq. "With All My Heart". There is one verse... left me thinking...

君が呼べば　僕は行くよ
If you call me, I’ll go to you
君のそばで笑いたいんだよ
I want to smile by your side
ふとした瞬間　傷ついてしまった心
By mere moments, your heart may be hurt
ひとりじゃ直せない痛み　僕が癒したいよ
I want to comfort your hurts which cannot be healed alone

2010-02-17T08:24:00.000Z

With All My Heart ～君が踊る、夏～
“With All My Heart ~Kimiga odoru, natsu~)

Artist: 東方神起
Lyrics by: Shinjiroh Inoue
Composed: Shinjiroh Inoue

鏡に映った　掛け違えたシャツのボタン
Kagamini utsutta kakechigaeta shatsuno botan
Reflected on the mirror, the buttons of my shirts are in the wrong buttonholes

そんな些細な事で君がいれば良かったと思う
Sonna sasaina kotode kimiga ireba yokattato omou
Even with these little things, I truly long for you

逢えない時間が　僕らの愛を強くした
Aenai jikanga bokurano aiwo tsuyokushita
The time we cannot spend together has deepened our love

言葉に詰まるならそっと頬にkissをしよう
Kotobani tsumarunara sotto hooni kiss wo shiyou
If I’m at a loss in words, I’ll just kiss you lightly on your cheek

それぞれを待つ日々は　忙しく過ぎるけど
Sorezorewo matsu hibiha isogashiku sugirukedo
The days longing for each other quickly passes by

こんなにもこんなにもただ…
Konnanimo konnanimo tada…
So fast, so fast, only..

逢いたくて　ずっと君を思うよ… 心から君を
Aitakute zutto kimiwo omouyo.. kokorokara kimiwo
I miss you, My thoughts are always with you… from the bottom of my heart

もう一度　my heart 伝えたくて
Mouichido my heart tsutaetakute
Once again, I want to give my heart to you

君が呼べば　僕は行くよ
Kimiga yobeba bokuha yukuyo
If you call me, I’ll go to you

君のそばで笑いたいんだよ
Kimino sobade waraitaindayo
I want to smile by your side

ふとした瞬間　傷ついてしまった心
Futoshita shunkan kizutsuite shimatta kokoro
By mere moments, your heart may be hurt

ひとりじゃ直せない痛み　僕が癒したいよ
Hitorija naosenai itami bokuga iyashitaiyo
I want to comfort your hurts which cannot be healed alone

今逢えない時なら　ただ君の面影を
Ｉma aenai tokinara tada kimino omokagewo
If I cannot be by your side, I’ll just

抱きしめて　抱きしめてほら…
Dakishimete dakishimete hora …
Hold you shadow in my heart, hold in my heart, and…

どんな日も　ずっと君思うよ…心から君を
Donna himo zutto kimiwo omouyo … kokorokara kimiwo
All the days, my thoughts are always with you… from the bottom of my heart

もう二度と your heart 離さないから
Mou nidoto your heart hanasanaikara
I will never let go of your heart again

君が泣けば　僕は行くよ
Kimiga nakeba bokuha yukuyo
If you cry, I’ll go to you

君をいつも守りたいんだよ
Kimiwo itsumo mamoritaindayo
I want to always stand by your side

君が望むなら　全てを尽くして
Kimiga nozomunara subetewo tsukushite
If it is your wish, I’ll try every means

君の描く未来　永遠の夢を叶えたい I wish
Kimino egaku eienno yumewo kanaetai I wish
I want to grant your future, your eternal dreams, I wish

逢いたくて　ずっと君思うよ… 心から君を
Aitakute zutto kimi omouyo … kokoro kara kimiwo
I miss you, my thoughts are always with you, from the bottom of my heart

何度でも to heart 贈る　smile for you
Nandodemo to heart okuru smile for you
For countless times, to heart, I’ll smile for you

悲しくても　嬉しくても
Kanashikutemo ureshikutemo
Even though sad, or happy

君のそばで笑いたいんだよ
Kimino sobade waraitaindayo
I want to smile by your side

With all my heart
With all my heart
With all my heart

Find me, and I’ll be there for you
Find me, and I’ll be there for you
Find me, and I’ll be there for you

credits: OneTVXQ.com

2010-02-16T18:40:00.002Z

who'd know i would be so worried about you? aish. tired la.. wanna sleep

2010-02-11T17:31:00.002Z

First of all, I gotta say thank you so much, to JER, SUM, SA and lastly but not least, gramps. Thank you so bloogy much for coming to my dinner service today. I really appericiate it a lot. I'm so sorry that i din't know u guys were waiting for me till the end of my service. Nothing really special to say cuz right now i'm dead tired. hahaha... Jer looks as usual, dorky. Sum, Godknowshowlongineverseehersince. She getting prettier? haha.. Elisha.. hmm.. she looks a bit different. a little quieter but i know she's hurting inside. Gramps? Oh well, she looks dead tired and sick. They should have just went home lahh.. no need wait for me de ma... amboi, so touched meh?

2010-02-09T09:09:00.004Z

Just posted some random pictures just for the sake of updating my blog.. hahaha

2010-01-30T14:24:00.001Z

What a tiring week.. i'm so sleepy today... yesterday ate yuen steamboat till my belt wanan explode liao.. fighting for the chicken wings... oh my... wine 'tasting' session somore.. yesterday drank beer and wine till i got a little tipsy ... but im alrite.

2010-01-23T09:53:00.003Z

Been very very busy lately after school reopens... bloody shithole place that have insufficient parking lots.... anyway... new campus was kinda cool and modern like what granny said .... yes, they have spend all our fees to be BFFs with IKEA....

I have invited lai ma and her frens to come over for my dinner serving at "Truffles". The restaurant was indeed better than before. More sophisticated and modern style. Really set the mood well with the jazz acid music. hoho.. Bad thing is the kitchen is see-thru theme... hoho... this time, those little chef back door can't curi makan looorrr... First class with Patrick was a little weird since we never had practical classes with him before. Well, he is pretty much different than Mr.Alex... urgh... pretty hard to follow his flow.... Dinner service was ok.... what was really damn unforgetable part was the time lai ma and her frens came in from the back door!!!! OMFG! that was kinda embarrasing seriously.... haha... but funny though....

2010-01-12T19:37:00.002Z

Man, just came back from starbucks. Nothing usual. Just got bloody bored so i just went out... Now, here i am typing this... feeling a little guilty and lonely.... guilty cuz i did not realize i was commiting a sinful thing almost everyday... I'm really sorry to God.

Lonely cuz i half wanted to go back college but another part of me still wanna slack around a litte bit more. So i'm kinda stuck in the middle... doing nothing except rotting with my bro's psp.... Got my new glasses ... cost about rm 670 total? ==''' things are getting bloody expensive these days... well, cuz my glasses aren't that good anymore... gotta change somehow... stupid promoter said i got khalil fong's feel if i wear it... oh, wateverrrr... i dun give a damn, i just wanna drive safely at nite.... =='''

Man, i sort of went thru erlina's facebook back awhile... hmm... first thing comes to my mind, "WTF did she gotta go vacation all those places i went before?" when i go thru her pics one by one on her latest vacation at Korea... it was like bloody deja vu... Like i have been to all those places she went and it feels as though u can recall she was back then with me about 4 years ago??? this is bloody sick feeling..... or maybe not. maybe i was just thinking too much about it and freaked out.... ok, next vacation was the Hong Kong trip... OK, THAT WAS BLOODY DEJA VU too, man... i went there like..... 2 years ago and there she went there about 1 year ago... fucking scary, man.. and the picture I took with the pluto mascot and she took it there too... bloody... i dun know what is this theory called... its just something like deja vu.. except the fact that i had been there... and seeing her there is really damn STRANGE.

2010-01-10T12:09:00.002Z

About the bombing church controversy recently, i was damn shocked and fucking pissed with those babi's, man.. fcuk u la... Just because of the word "Allah", u wanna act all animal and start bombing churches? Now, who are the ones are acting like animals now? So-called-suci-agama. fcuk u la, bitches. Uncivilized people. Thank God, no one is hurt. You might think we, Christians are weak cuz we don't do any harm to people and always thinking about others. You might be dead wrong. Don't you ever think that we are not fighting back cuz we are scared. It's just because of Jesus, we learn to forgive others. But for hot-headed person like me takes a long time to do that. I'm learning......

I am so damn right about refering them as pigs, man. Even pigs are better than them. Urghhh... Fucking in a racist mode now, man....... i'm not talking to any malays for this period, man. I have this undesired intention to kick their face.

2010-01-08T11:42:00.003Z

Man, im in a r&b fever right now. Need to go ktv, man.. Dang, my voice here yearning to sing r&b.. I'm addicted to travis garland... and jojo's unreleased album. For one day, i just wanna sing r&b for the whole session.... I don't understand why ppl feels that r&b songs are chezzy stuff??! like wtf?!! IT's fucking romantic and sexy, man!! Plus, it ain't that easy to sing, ya know? Contemporary R&B. U gotta like have more than amateur vocal skills to sing a R&b song and u gotta sing with "FEEL" to it... hahahahaha...

Last but not least, ANYONE WANNA KTV, pls give me a call

2010-01-07T15:24:00.003Z

Can't Wait To Meet Ya - Travis Garland

If I was a flight

You would be my destination
I'm coming to you
I don't need an invitation
If you were a doctor
Then I would be your patient
Teach me how to love
I need a cardiooperation
I would be your getaway
If you would be the driver
I'll get in the car
And commit the perfect crime
I could steal your heart
You could still mine
And if we get caught
Then baby I'll do all the time

But I don't even know,
Your name
I've never even seen,
Your face
Girl I can't wait to meet ya
Girl I can't wait to meet ya
I can't wait to meet ya, someday

If I was a mirror
Baby you'd be the reflection
Watch you all the time
You're the vision of perfection
I would be the answer
You would be the question
Show you how it's done
Cause baby I don't need directions
Never get enough
I'll develop a condition
I can't leave your side
Girl you know you're my addiction
So if there is a cure
Baby I don't won't to find it
And I won't go to rehab
You got me in whining

(girl when you're closing your eyes
Girl what you think about
Baby when you're sleeping at night
Girl what you think about
Me and you
Me and you, yeah)

Ps: Perfect song for me, man. I can't wait to meet 'you' someday.

2010-01-05T16:32:00.002Z

I don't know was it me or this stupid laggy laptop made me bored about blogging. Cuz i really dun felt like blogging but... perhaps i shud at least blog about new year bah...

I went genting with carmen. Yes, carmen only. SO WHAT??! there is ntg going on btw me n her, k? ==''' All i remember was ... the place was so packed up with sardines... and my baby car can't really climb up the mountain ..T__T poor 'her'. The weather was quite chilly. It's fine. err.. played arcade... water spraying, basketball, err.. more water spraying thing. Just sit outside the car park and smoke. I was absolutely enjoying myself there..so damn syok till .....carmen came and said it "oi, very smelly la"...wah kao, really chau jibai de lo...! hmph... then go kfc makan.. another chau jibai expensive meal... ==''' queue up till dulan.... rm 15.90 for one snack plate??! u soh hai or what? the chicken got different meh? or organic genting chicken? mcb~

Well, at least i got to see fireworks. Man, it was really pretty despite the fog was right above us. After the fireworks, the whole crowd went a little nuts.. cuz the entrance was locked.. and all the sardines are just plainly stucked... oh man, stood there for like 30 mins and i was starting to get impatient... so i took carmen another route... the deep slope route. i was kinda meant for cars only... but who wants to get stuck up there again?? =='''so went to get some iced latte cuz my eyelids are getting heavy and i think i got only about 4 hours of sleep that day. Went back to car... sleep a little.. Decided to came down around 3 am since carmen bising so much... ==''' SURE TRAFFIC JAM DE LO.... then really went down... =='' shit, really jam like mad... my leg is like glued with the brakes for about an hour, halfway down the mountain... Meanwhile, she pulak fall asleep there.. wtf.... and then this is how it ends for this trip. Ended with her snores. zzzz

2009-12-27T15:37:00.006Z

Had BBQ last nite.. man... tiring... I got a little teary that Chai Phei is leaving to US. So the whole BBQ thing was for her and well.... just another gathering... It was at Pey Ye's house. Her sis brought her frens too so it was kinda crowded. Man, Earn Loo's chicken was the best..... danggg.. i'm drooling again... oh yeah, thx to MAY YOONG for over-budgetting.... lolz.. anyway, she did a lot of stuff for this bbq as i'm busy for the past few days.. from shopping for the bbq stuff and marinating the lamb and fish. Alex was playful as usual. Man, i remember he and I was always playing together everytime we visited Pey Ye's house. He has pretty grown up taller. Dai gor zhai jor lo... T_T hahahhaa... He was very adorable when he was little. Well, he is still adorable now. His favourite sport was golf from what i know. He has this golf set since he was little. rofl.

me & good old jibai liu

dang, i still rmb all the juices whoosh all over my face.

western style, man

i guess he likes the earthquake-style.

i guess he wants to show me that he has teeth already

Me & Alex

ALL THE BEST, FOO CHAI PHEI!!

2009-12-26T07:16:00.000Z

Well, christmas was bloody fantastic... I woke up and straightaway i start with my turkey. Rosemary, thyme, carrrots, celery, prune-tomatoes, zucchini, garlic cloves, onions, capcicums, bacon stripes, olive oil, salt, pepper, black peppercorns and of course, my 5.2kg turkey.

I was cooking for the whole afternoon till the very last minute we set up the table. Carving the turkey was also my job... dang, my fingers have multi-meaty-smell right now.. I wanted to flambe some peaches with a lil dry gin but ... i guess i dont really have the time...... Caramalized peaches go with vanilla... its just bloody FANTASTIC, man...!! my recipe, man....

Finally, the judgement time. Well, everyone like the turkey a lot. kekeke.... gotta thank my grandma for the sauce. Well, i wanted more-like-a-gravy type but it turned out like a sauce. Still, thanks to her though cuz i left her to gau dim the sauce.

2009-12-25T07:38:00.000Z

24th was such a weird day. I was a total unexpected day cuz i din't not thought of going out cuz... WELL, it's such a lonely day... Suddenly, the night before mun and i was chatting and she asked me to join wor.. then i thought... oh well, just go out bah since i dint see her so long. Plus, lai ma oso going out.. i oso so long dint see her...

So, went and fetch lai ma first lo... MCB... TRAFFIC JAM LIKE BABI, man.... almost wanna box lai ma down, man... hahahahaha... Then, that Mun bought tickets already at 3.30pm... omfg.. need to rush... Parked at Sunway Resort Hotel & Spa.... ==''' thought got some empty spaces.. dim ci.... SAME ALSO, MCB!!! circle around duno how long only got a place to park...

Off i go to watch movie lo, .....waited for Mun outside the cinema.. She came out looking at some other place when im standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER..... ==''' omg.... is she blind or stg? or maybe she can't recongnize me? =='' lolz.. shud see her face when i called out her name.... I din't know what movie we were watching and i was almost late for about an hour. oh, alvin & the chipmunks 2 ... swt.... Theodore was so farking KUUUTEEEE!!! yiiiiiiii~

We even went for the Sunway Lagoon Night Walk thingy.... Played a ride with lai ma & ah pa's frens. That ride was so freaking stupid.... As usual, screamed like no one else's business.... well, lai ma .... er.... got very interesting frens? ahemmm.. Off i gotta run off with Mun to watch another movie...swt.. 'Treasure Hunter' arrr... man.. that show is just so unrealistic..... For me, it was okay la... 'Secret' was better... So the movie ended up about more or less around 12am... lolz.. run out to the entrance... DANG... snow sprays are everywhere.................... haha.. guess what happen next.

Anyway, i had fun this time. And btw, why did i always turned out to be with some gal last minute for Christmas eve every year?

Ps: Met Xiao Qing dat time... apa ni.. u shud have came earlier la....
Ps: Lai Ma, pls no more bringing 'TOO BIG' ppl and 'TOO SMALL' ppl to kai siu to me, k?

2009-12-23T15:59:00.000Z

Well, what shud i do tmr? Most probably everyone going out tmr bah. Well, except for me... Cuz no one asked me out at all. Pretty pathetic, eh? This is gonna be one of the loneliest day of this year, man. Man, how i hated eve's...

Nothing has changed much. Same people kept going out and doing the same things for christmas. Well, i just wanna do something really special and different this time but the problem is... I'm alone. Seriously, like alone. No friends available to hand out with me. Friends going out with their partners. I wanted to make someone a dinner. Just anyone. A dinner. Some place quiet away from the city. Dang, now seriously the problem is no one wants to spend their christmas eve with me.

Sad, sad, sad....
Guess, i need more wine.

2009-12-21T18:47:00.002Z

"Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova was defitetely deserved to win an Oscar Award. This song really just kills me to the heart.

Well, i guess she deserved to be happier. I've guess i've played my cards a little too late. Too late to go back, to late to fix this relationship, too late to save it. I realized it was far too late.

you have never left me.

2009-12-18T14:24:00.003Z

Life has been pretty boring these whole week. Maybe i just want to stay with family as much as i can. Today, guess what? i went to watch movie "The Princess and the frog" with my little couz, Darren... wtf.... First time out with him cuz his mom is always overprotective about him.. i guess she lossen up on him this time. The show is as you expected..so happily-ever-after kinda thing. yeah, its kinda okay show..

I just realized something. I just want everything to be normal. I don't wanna do anything extraordinary or any less than ordinary.. Cuz i promised i will be a good kid when im back. No more troubles. No more dissapointments. Been cooking and baking for the past few days... I made some roast chicken with roasted potatoes.. and... some choc chip cookies.... Man, is this my new hobby? haha..

2009-12-15T19:25:00.002Z

Oh man, seriously... why does everyone have go wild just becuz of slow in process of uploading pictures to facebook... i mean like seriously, comon.... It's just pictures.. can't you wait for one or two days? it's not like i'm so darn free to upload anyway.... I don't really understand the importance of uploading pictures FAST to fb. I'm sure there is nothing much u wanna tell ppl about those pictures.. just some ordinary cam-whore pics to me. Man.. this is just so 'juvenile-like' thing.... to me.

I DONT UNDERSTAND

2009-12-09T17:08:00.004Z

NEW HAIRDO-9th Dec 2009

BEFORE

After bleaching, i swear i would never ever bleach my head again cuz i almost reach to a point where i really wanted to faint and die there. It feels like 20 ppl gathering around me using forks to peel my head. horrible experience. my scalp is so innocently wounded now T_T.

AFTER

don't i just look extremely sexily handsome here? lol

2009-12-09T16:04:00.003Z

Finally, came back... touchdown to KL on monday. Went to "THE SHIP" with my family.. comon, i have been waiting that for months... finally, they took me there. i came here once before when i was still a little kid back then. Dad said the place havent change much. Just the place got a little more older? dont know what he meant. Anyway, let the pics do the rest of my mumbling.....

some lamp i bought from the bazaar.

THE SHIP

OMG. FIRST TIME I ATE LOBSTER. BLOODY DELICIOUS

Jalan Macalister

Prawn Mee, Char Kueh Tiao, Chicken Rice, Fishball Noodle Soup is FUCK!

(well, who doesn't enjoy the most when they aremaking love? ROFL)

kenneth look so farking dumb here.

The rest of it inside camera la.. lazy upload....

2009-11-30T10:07:00.003Z

Hmm.. I'm back to front office again this time. Really totally WTF, man... its not my styleee! oh well, they love me though. Omg.. and Nerissa is in AZ. Sharon in Kitchen. Jia Yan in Housekeeping. Well, she was in housekeeping too... LMAO! PUBLIC AREA SOMORE!!.. you know those aunties who cleans in the hotel lobby the whole day... haha.. that is what she is doing now... Meet her today and we went to visit AZ a little. ROFL.. when she saw me.. she said "wow, looking smart today, huh?" wtf... malu la... Even Elsie(permanent staff working in AZ) also said "omg... michelle u look so handsome la... but i wanna see u wear skirt la!" and i was like "You will never see me with that shit, man!" ... APA NI?! i wore like that first when i was in Front Office ward... oh well... today i was soooo damn fucking busy... Updating guest's profile, checking rooms.... preparing hotel key card.... I went to the whole 600 rooms over, man.. From LVL 1 to LVL 7... pak ci jibai mati lo. Oh well, im working till thursday then friday and saturday i will be free.... DAMMIT i'm seriously so exicited to come back. It seems everyone is away when i'm back? totally wtf, man.. say wanna wait for me... aihhss.. suannnn...

Ps: Have you ever have a crush on someone who have the same name as you?LOL

2009-11-26T02:12:00.004Z

Yesterday.. while i was working in adventure zone, i felt so tired suddenly. My whole body was so freaking cold that i got goosebumps all over my body. Fcuk, don't tell i'm sick? So Elsie told me to rest... oh man, i felt so useless... I even do my own duty.. Stupid girls who don't even dare to sit the slide... FUCK U LA.. ITS UR JOB, ya know? babi.. what also i do.... urghhh...

Din't even tell my parents about this. Well, they are in Japan and i thought 'comon, i can handle this myself'. Grandma? nah, she is too old to get all worried about me. My body got a little too hot last nite..oh man, high fever.. oh man.. i slept at 7pm till the next morning. Thank God, my fever had reduced a lot cuz i thought i might be going to hospital or stg. Plus, TONITE gotta help out the bell service with the lugages. 12am-9am? Might be sleeping in hotel tonite cuz there will be over 1000 guest checking out at 3am.. crazy... God, please bless me

Anyway, i woke up this morning.. and i feel much better.. So don't worry about me.

2009-11-23T13:32:00.001Z

I should stop this.

2009-11-23T11:51:00.003Z

Here we go again. Another sleepless night. Another dream that made me think. What if we were still together? What if we never broke up? Will we be same person as who we are now? Will there be no more dramatic fights like how we used to have? Will you like someone else then?

Last night, all i dream was the both of us were in my room. We were studying. Me studying my hospitality and u probably studying ur graphic design stuff. Me using my dell and u using ur mac. Facing each other while we browse the web. Me questioning u after u have memorized ur notes. Then we will fall asleep together in each other's arms till the next morning. Then, i fetch u to ur class. Hmm. I guess u can say i'm imagining and thinking probably a lil too much. Like i said, a dream will always be a DREAM. Plus, not everyone's dream come true.