変わらず想っているよ {This feeling won’t change}

Had BBQ last nite.. man... tiring... I got a little teary that Chai Phei is leaving to US. So the whole BBQ thing was for her and well.... just another gathering... It was at Pey Ye's house. Her sis brought her frens too so it was kinda crowded. Man, Earn Loo's chicken was the best..... danggg.. i'm drooling again... oh yeah, thx to MAY YOONG for over-budgetting.... lolz.. anyway, she did a lot of stuff for this bbq as i'm busy for the past few days.. from shopping for the bbq stuff and marinating the lamb and fish. Alex was playful as usual. Man, i remember he and I was always playing together everytime we visited Pey Ye's house. He has pretty grown up taller. Dai gor zhai jor lo... T_T hahahhaa... He was very adorable when he was little. Well, he is still adorable now. His favourite sport was golf from what i know. He has this golf set since he was little. rofl.

me & good old jibai liu

dang, i still rmb all the juices whoosh all over my face.

western style, man

i guess he likes the earthquake-style.

i guess he wants to show me that he has teeth already

Me & Alex

ALL THE BEST, FOO CHAI PHEI!!

Well, christmas was bloody fantastic... I woke up and straightaway i start with my turkey. Rosemary, thyme, carrrots, celery, prune-tomatoes, zucchini, garlic cloves, onions, capcicums, bacon stripes, olive oil, salt, pepper, black peppercorns and of course, my 5.2kg turkey.

I was cooking for the whole afternoon till the very last minute we set up the table. Carving the turkey was also my job... dang, my fingers have multi-meaty-smell right now.. I wanted to flambe some peaches with a lil dry gin but ... i guess i dont really have the time...... Caramalized peaches go with vanilla... its just bloody FANTASTIC, man...!! my recipe, man....

Finally, the judgement time. Well, everyone like the turkey a lot. kekeke.... gotta thank my grandma for the sauce. Well, i wanted more-like-a-gravy type but it turned out like a sauce. Still, thanks to her though cuz i left her to gau dim the sauce.

24th was such a weird day. I was a total unexpected day cuz i din't not thought of going out cuz... WELL, it's such a lonely day... Suddenly, the night before mun and i was chatting and she asked me to join wor.. then i thought... oh well, just go out bah since i dint see her so long. Plus, lai ma oso going out.. i oso so long dint see her...

So, went and fetch lai ma first lo... MCB... TRAFFIC JAM LIKE BABI, man.... almost wanna box lai ma down, man... hahahahaha... Then, that Mun bought tickets already at 3.30pm... omfg.. need to rush... Parked at Sunway Resort Hotel & Spa.... ==''' thought got some empty spaces.. dim ci.... SAME ALSO, MCB!!! circle around duno how long only got a place to park...

Off i go to watch movie lo, .....waited for Mun outside the cinema.. She came out looking at some other place when im standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER..... ==''' omg.... is she blind or stg? or maybe she can't recongnize me? =='' lolz.. shud see her face when i called out her name.... I din't know what movie we were watching and i was almost late for about an hour. oh, alvin & the chipmunks 2 ... swt.... Theodore was so farking KUUUTEEEE!!! yiiiiiiii~

We even went for the Sunway Lagoon Night Walk thingy.... Played a ride with lai ma & ah pa's frens. That ride was so freaking stupid.... As usual, screamed like no one else's business.... well, lai ma .... er.... got very interesting frens? ahemmm.. Off i gotta run off with Mun to watch another movie...swt.. 'Treasure Hunter' arrr... man.. that show is just so unrealistic..... For me, it was okay la... 'Secret' was better... So the movie ended up about more or less around 12am... lolz.. run out to the entrance... DANG... snow sprays are everywhere.................... haha.. guess what happen next.

Anyway, i had fun this time. And btw, why did i always turned out to be with some gal last minute for Christmas eve every year?

Ps: Met Xiao Qing dat time... apa ni.. u shud have came earlier la....
Ps: Lai Ma, pls no more bringing 'TOO BIG' ppl and 'TOO SMALL' ppl to kai siu to me, k?

Well, what shud i do tmr? Most probably everyone going out tmr bah. Well, except for me... Cuz no one asked me out at all. Pretty pathetic, eh? This is gonna be one of the loneliest day of this year, man. Man, how i hated eve's...

Nothing has changed much. Same people kept going out and doing the same things for christmas. Well, i just wanna do something really special and different this time but the problem is... I'm alone. Seriously, like alone. No friends available to hand out with me. Friends going out with their partners. I wanted to make someone a dinner. Just anyone. A dinner. Some place quiet away from the city. Dang, now seriously the problem is no one wants to spend their christmas eve with me.

Sad, sad, sad....
Guess, i need more wine.

"Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova was defitetely deserved to win an Oscar Award. This song really just kills me to the heart.

Well, i guess she deserved to be happier. I've guess i've played my cards a little too late. Too late to go back, to late to fix this relationship, too late to save it. I realized it was far too late.

you have never left me.

Life has been pretty boring these whole week. Maybe i just want to stay with family as much as i can. Today, guess what? i went to watch movie "The Princess and the frog" with my little couz, Darren... wtf.... First time out with him cuz his mom is always overprotective about him.. i guess she lossen up on him this time. The show is as you expected..so happily-ever-after kinda thing. yeah, its kinda okay show..

I just realized something. I just want everything to be normal. I don't wanna do anything extraordinary or any less than ordinary.. Cuz i promised i will be a good kid when im back. No more troubles. No more dissapointments. Been cooking and baking for the past few days... I made some roast chicken with roasted potatoes.. and... some choc chip cookies.... Man, is this my new hobby? haha..

Oh man, seriously... why does everyone have go wild just becuz of slow in process of uploading pictures to facebook... i mean like seriously, comon.... It's just pictures.. can't you wait for one or two days? it's not like i'm so darn free to upload anyway.... I don't really understand the importance of uploading pictures FAST to fb. I'm sure there is nothing much u wanna tell ppl about those pictures.. just some ordinary cam-whore pics to me. Man.. this is just so 'juvenile-like' thing.... to me.

I DONT UNDERSTAND

NEW HAIRDO-9th Dec 2009

BEFORE

After bleaching, i swear i would never ever bleach my head again cuz i almost reach to a point where i really wanted to faint and die there. It feels like 20 ppl gathering around me using forks to peel my head. horrible experience. my scalp is so innocently wounded now T_T.

AFTER

don't i just look extremely sexily handsome here? lol

Finally, came back... touchdown to KL on monday. Went to "THE SHIP" with my family.. comon, i have been waiting that for months... finally, they took me there. i came here once before when i was still a little kid back then. Dad said the place havent change much. Just the place got a little more older? dont know what he meant. Anyway, let the pics do the rest of my mumbling.....

some lamp i bought from the bazaar.

THE SHIP

OMG. FIRST TIME I ATE LOBSTER. BLOODY DELICIOUS

Jalan Macalister

Prawn Mee, Char Kueh Tiao, Chicken Rice, Fishball Noodle Soup is FUCK!

(well, who doesn't enjoy the most when they aremaking love? ROFL)

kenneth look so farking dumb here.

The rest of it inside camera la.. lazy upload....

Hmm.. I'm back to front office again this time. Really totally WTF, man... its not my styleee! oh well, they love me though. Omg.. and Nerissa is in AZ. Sharon in Kitchen. Jia Yan in Housekeeping. Well, she was in housekeeping too... LMAO! PUBLIC AREA SOMORE!!.. you know those aunties who cleans in the hotel lobby the whole day... haha.. that is what she is doing now... Meet her today and we went to visit AZ a little. ROFL.. when she saw me.. she said "wow, looking smart today, huh?" wtf... malu la... Even Elsie(permanent staff working in AZ) also said "omg... michelle u look so handsome la... but i wanna see u wear skirt la!" and i was like "You will never see me with that shit, man!" ... APA NI?! i wore like that first when i was in Front Office ward... oh well... today i was soooo damn fucking busy... Updating guest's profile, checking rooms.... preparing hotel key card.... I went to the whole 600 rooms over, man.. From LVL 1 to LVL 7... pak ci jibai mati lo. Oh well, im working till thursday then friday and saturday i will be free.... DAMMIT i'm seriously so exicited to come back. It seems everyone is away when i'm back? totally wtf, man.. say wanna wait for me... aihhss.. suannnn...

Ps: Have you ever have a crush on someone who have the same name as you?LOL

Yesterday.. while i was working in adventure zone, i felt so tired suddenly. My whole body was so freaking cold that i got goosebumps all over my body. Fcuk, don't tell i'm sick? So Elsie told me to rest... oh man, i felt so useless... I even do my own duty.. Stupid girls who don't even dare to sit the slide... FUCK U LA.. ITS UR JOB, ya know? babi.. what also i do.... urghhh...

Din't even tell my parents about this. Well, they are in Japan and i thought 'comon, i can handle this myself'. Grandma? nah, she is too old to get all worried about me. My body got a little too hot last nite..oh man, high fever.. oh man.. i slept at 7pm till the next morning. Thank God, my fever had reduced a lot cuz i thought i might be going to hospital or stg. Plus, TONITE gotta help out the bell service with the lugages. 12am-9am? Might be sleeping in hotel tonite cuz there will be over 1000 guest checking out at 3am.. crazy... God, please bless me

Anyway, i woke up this morning.. and i feel much better.. So don't worry about me.

Here we go again. Another sleepless night. Another dream that made me think. What if we were still together? What if we never broke up? Will we be same person as who we are now? Will there be no more dramatic fights like how we used to have? Will you like someone else then?

Last night, all i dream was the both of us were in my room. We were studying. Me studying my hospitality and u probably studying ur graphic design stuff. Me using my dell and u using ur mac. Facing each other while we browse the web. Me questioning u after u have memorized ur notes. Then we will fall asleep together in each other's arms till the next morning. Then, i fetch u to ur class. Hmm. I guess u can say i'm imagining and thinking probably a lil too much. Like i said, a dream will always be a DREAM. Plus, not everyone's dream come true.

This is seriously vry bad. Been nosebleeding like no one else's business for 4 days straight. I even bleed when i was working! God, pls tell me im alright. Mom is kinda worried bout me. Well, in fact..my whole family is worried bout me. My nosebleed can last for about 40mins. Lets hope i wont faint cuz my blood wont clot.

Love,
the lack of vitamin c naoki

2 more weeks left. I'm tired of working and i wanna go home. Sometimes i wonder, when is the time i would get someone. I believe i'm not desperate but i'm just lonely sometimes. Sometimes i wish i could just talk to someone. A sweet and understanding gf will do. Haha. Nah, i dont want any drama with break ups or couple fight. I just want a girl who would just grow mature with me. I just dont want to walk to this adulthood alone. Yeah, they tell me i would be a good bf but it'a always never good enough for anyone. Never good enough for anyone. I'm such a loser, am i?

i think i have grown a lot since the last time i saw my house. You can never imagine how much experience i gain from this little journey. I can't wait to go back to my grandma's arms and i've got so much stories to tell them. From now onwards, im not going to take anything for granted and just appericiate it all. I wanna spend more time with family and i finally realized why people say family is always no1. All the while its my friends whom i kinda put on top position with family but now.. Sorry guys, family events or outings come first. Haha.

When i'm back, promise me that you will spend one whole day with me, pls? =3
From: kiki

Seriously, why is this keep happening to me? I'm really so sick of this house. Suddenly, Mr.Wong told Sharon in the morning that 8 people are going to stay at our hostel. FCUK IT, man.. THE PLACE IS SO FUCKING TERRIBLE and u wanna add 8 more babi of malays and indians? FCUK U , man... I SERIOUSLY can't stand them at all.. THEY SMELL!! THEY ROT!! THEY ARE UGLY!!! WTFFFF... dun tell me staying here temporary is like 1 week? i would seriously fcuk u to the ceiling, man.. ARGHHHHHHH.. im so pissedddd... and im like crying cuz everytime there is a new problem.. im like the only one who is always the first to take control of the situation again and again.. IM SO TIRED OF THIS. AND! I AM THE ONE WHO CLEANS AGAIN! fcuk u la, bitches... dun say those babi.. u guys also sama rata with them, man.. urghhhhh...

Fcuk it, man..

Im in the middle of nowhere..

and im crying like a little girl..
For the first time, we have a heart-to-heart conversation.

No words can really express what i'm feeling right now.I'm so happy i've finally said out some things ..and i'm trully sorry for all the things i've done to hurt her so much.If only we could have talk a little sooner. I've always thought she might love me less cuz i'm just not the daughter she wants but now i know she loves me as much as i love her now. I love her so much that i wouldn't mind if i would die again and again to be born as her daughther.

Now i know why God sends me to Penang.

Lolz.. just came across this.. personality test that will pretty much tell u which colour of the glass you belongs to and i really wanted this recently-promoted-infamous-Coca-Cola -Glass in MCD..!! I dun really know which colour to choose since it's pretty much cool in every colour.

Well, the result is..... LIME!

Strength: Socialble, creative
Weakness: Can be subjected to big ego and high self-esteem

Defining Moment: 'Lime the Leader' has an ability to inspire friends by giving a clear and dramatic vision and putting momentum behind ideas.

Color Compatibility: 'Lime the Leader might as well be called 'Lime the Social Butterfly' too as he/she has hundreds of friends and is often the life of the party. Lime is most compatible with Pink whose outspoken ways are hilarious to Lime, and also Purple whom Lime admires for his/her vast knowledge. Lime is least compatible with Charcoal -> his/her dull and boring ways put Lime to sleep (LOLZZZ) -> and Green and Blue, whom he/she feels aren't as fun and spontaneous.

Guys, wanna find out what colour u belong to? click here

Gave a call to my grandma awhile ago. Cuz i seriously missed her a lot... (awwwww~) haha... I realized it already been 5 weeks i'm away from home. She asks me "Did you get use to the life over there?" and i said "yeah, i guess i have get used to it already". Showering in cold water early in the morning at 6am, it's kinda kacang putih to me right now. Sleeping in a living room with broken windows is also fine with me already. I still rmb back the first day i came here. Omfg. i thought i was going to faint right at the doorstep or stg. Cuz i rmb very well, i couldn't sleep at the first night and i kept wanting to go back home. Basicly, i just wanna give up. But i gave myself a challenge. my head was telling me "why don't stay for one more week and see how it goes..." ? hmm... well, might as well give it a try.... who knows everything is okay later on? haha..

I missed everything so much... i wonder if i know how to drive back my car when i come back later.. =X haha... I like this quote cuz it really does sound like me.

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to." ~John Ed Pearce

Lolz.. i still rmb last few years ago how much i wanted to leave my home and stay outside... thought it would be fun to stay with friends together but i've realized it's much more fucking harder... Cuz everyone has their habits and maybe some annoying habits that i can't tolerate to and it will just make everyone's life worse.... might as well stay alone, right? hahahaha... anyway, for now.. i just wanna go home. My home.

Erlina oh Erlina.. why did you always appear to me unexpectedly.... its like out of the blue, u appear to me.

you are like every guy's ever dream of and wanted you so badly that they would sacrifice their football pastimes to be with you, man... haihhzz

Woke up late today.. cuz yesterday went out and i have a headache so i decided not to go to work today.. fcuk it man.. no idea how am i gonna explain to my head chef tmr. Woke up at 12pm and the girls have went out to Gurney d. So... so unexpectedly, i decided to clean my house.. what a fucking miracle. Cleaned the toilet bowl... the browny sink... sweep... mop..... clean again... crazy, man.... what is up to me?

haha... i've noticed i've become more independant. Who says i can't sweep? Who says i can't mop? Who says i don't clean the house? Who says i only know how to eat, sleep, and play nia? HARRR?!! haha... I'm stronger than i've expected. I'm not like the other girls who just keep going out and doing ntg at home except gathering up a pile of HAIR-CARPET in the living room.. and there is like few mountains of dust growing at every corners of this house. So... basicly now i'm siting in my living room with every single thing i've removed to the other room cuz i need to mop. Seriously, my mom would be so fucking proud of me right now. haha.

Ps: If i ever become someone's BF, they really ZHAP DOU looooo!! ROFL!!! I would clean the house for her, man.. She can sit at the living room and angkat kaki when i was sweeping the living room... lolzzz.. what a scene

Since that day which i don't know when.
Leaving KL to Penang turns out to be extra harder for me to leave.
Everynite i pray for her. Yes, everynite.
I din't realize that i would miss her that much though.

Took a nap just now cuz i was really really worn out and exhausted.
But i woke up suddenly just because i dream ....
she is sleeping next to me and now i'm typing this..
cuz i wanna tell her how much i want her to be here but i couldn't tell her so.
She gives me the urge to be strong here.
To be honest, staying 350 km away from home is not that easy as it looks like.
and with this longing heart to see her so much right now....
this whole journey is killing me.

I wanna see her.
I wanna touch her.
I wanna kiss her.

声をきかせて
(Let Me Hear Your Voice by Big Bang)

The rain just now has stopped
The smell of asphalt is floating around the city
Hey, over there too, the weather is fine already right?
For the weather has cleared up from the west
Since you’re not a morning person
Everyday, will you be able to wake up properly?
I’m still worried about things like that

The spreading sky, the freedom
Although neither of them has changed
Right now, just that… it’s only just that you are not by my side

Let me hear your voice
If we become honest, surely
We’ll be able to understand each other
Please open your heart
Let me hear your voice
The path we have come is, for us, definitely
An important STEP to that future

The first time I met you was
Around this season right?
The light up street was
Glowing beautifully
The crybaby-you, from that time on, often
Laid your forehead on my shoulder
You were crying right? That extreme warmth
From your touch on my shoulder

Everyone lives, carrying his own worry
Desperately holding his broken heart

Let me hear you voice
If we become more kind
We’ll be able to love each other
Don’t avert my eyes
Let me hear your voice
Let’s get over those entwined anxieties and loneliness
The feelings of this moment become our bond

Yeah, Since you went away hasn’t been the same
In my heart all I got is pain
Could it be that I played a game to lose you, I can’t maintain
Sunlight moonlight you lit my life realize in the night
while love shines bright
Cant let you go we’re meant forever baby let me know

This past without you, Can’t forget you
Letting me be the cloud hanging above me
Raining on me missing you touch
Nights get long and it’s hard to clutch
We’re apart breaks my heart
Its all for the best girl you’re my world
In time my love unfurls
Till then wait for you girl

Let me hear your voice
If we become honest, surely
We’ll be able to understand each other
Please open your heart
Let me hear your voice
The path we have come is, for us, surely
An important STEP to that future

Ps: Man, this song just rocks. Another wonderful japanese single from big bang. Love GD's and TOP's rap part. It's exactly what i feel about NOW. Good to have Dae back again. Tae Yang.. hot as ever.. Seungri .. erm... no comment.

Can't sleep right now. urgh.. and tmr i still gota wake up 6am later.
Sometimes i just wonder...
did u guys forgot about me?
or did u guys just too busy?
Some just ignore me.
Some just did not reply me.
Some just dun feel like talking.

I am all alone here and there is no one else i can talk to.
It breaks my heart.

Fucking tired today... cuz i work from 7am and i go lunch at 1 stg pm.. wtf.... so hungry like babi!! If everyday work like that im dead. Thank God, i off tmr. Cuz i will be like Edward tmr.. lolz... (i admit i'ma twilight freak cuz i read the whole collection of it already....) haha..

i was still upset from yesterday.. urgh.. can't you see what you're doing to me?

Starting in kitchen department now. Currently in pastry lo. 7am-3pm.. wah kao.. have to wake up at 6am.. so sleepy today.

PS: Sometimes it's just better to accept the fact you can feel it's coming to an end. Hanging on when you know it's going to end is not a solution. It's better to END it urself than leave the problem hanging.

there is this one girl im juz so worried about. Dont know if she is ok or is she faking it. But i hope she is really OK.

Went to eat at 'Korea Palace' today. Just as a 1 month anniversary celebration staying in that fcuked up hostel.
Suddenly thought of Erlina. I rmb she doesn't take pork that has too much fats in it. She likes dulbogi. When she drinks soju, her face turn so red. Cares about others a lot. And thats what i like about her. She is always thinking about other ppl first. She is always so alert and does little small things that meant a lot to me.

I wish i could see her again.
Erlina, if you can hear. What are you doing at this moment?

Today, i was feeling much better after that food poisoning thing... urgh...
What the heck, man.... I'm getting injured and sickness every week!
pak chi lo.. but im still feeling strong. maybe strong is not the word... but i ACTUALLY feel STRONG. haha.
Starting eating a little more liao. I seriously can just go on 2 days without food cuz i'm so fucking sked to LAO SAI again... my asshole hurts so bad, man.... rofl...

Today, i played like a kid again. This time i'm the team leader for the kids.. hoho.. i won't get bullied by them again, man.... hoho.. i was so exhausted with all the running and chasing... hiding... seeking..... laughing..... playing soccer? .... haha... i felt like i have a heart of a child but a body like an old man. Seriously, my stamina is lower than i used to be when i was a kid.

Haha.